Breaking the Rules
by wisdom-jewel
Summary: Pure crack Fic. Team Tobirama has a on going list on what they can't do, being barred in places or not allowing to have things.
1. Chapter One

**Rule number one**

**A/N: This is a series of chapters that Team Tobirama is no longer allow/have/or say list. Please R&R**

**1) Them Tobirama is no longer allowed to have a catapult in their possession.**

Tobirama made sure that the catapult was ready with a young Hiruzen. Koharu just sat away from them. Homura of course was looking at some tools.

"Okay Homura," Tobirama turned to his student.

"It needs to be an inch that way," Homura pointed to which way. He was all for this prank.

"Hiruzen, do the honors," Tobirama smiled.

"Ay ay sensei!" Hiruzen said with a grin that stretched from ear to ear.

He loves doing these kinds of pranks with his sensei. He pulled on the leverage and the bag of stuff crashed through Madara's office.

"Okay, now our next target, which way Homura?" Tobirama asked him.

"Three inches the other way," Homura gained the same grin from Hiruzen.

"You guys are going to get in trouble," Koharu place her fists on her hips while she warned them.

"Don't be a spoil sport Koharu," Tobirama walked up to her. "Ready Hiruzen?"

"Ready!" Hiruzen cheered.

He pulled the leverage yet again and the bundle of porn crashed into the Hokage's office.

"TOBIRAMA!" Hashirama yelled from his office.

"RUN CHILDREN!" Tobirama turned to his students as they begin to run away.


	2. Chapter Two

**Rule One, A**

**1 A: And using it as sheath training does not count. That said; stop launching yourself to the hospital to see that cute nurse.**

"Ready sensei?" Hiruzen asked, he really unsure about this.

"Oh, I'll be fine," Tobirama ensure his favorite student and future successor.

Tobirama sits in the bowl-shape thing on the catapult.

"Pull," he told Hiruzen.

Hiruzen quickly looked at Himura. He shrugged and Hiruzen pulled the leverage. Tobirama went flying and crash landed on the nurse's station where that cute nurse was at.

"Hey," he smiled at her.

She really didn't know what to do. Then she realized he was injured.

"Are you insane, you could've got killed!" she said in a worried tone.

"Wasn't expecting that," he said.

Hiruzen, Himura and Koharu rushed in to see their sensei safe with a few minor cuts. The cute nurse was healing him and he looked at his students. He winked at them. Hiruzen and Himura high-five each other on a very successful lunch, Koharu was just thankful that sensei was alright. Until Hashirama stormed in since he heard what Tobirama just did.

"Run children," they quickly escaped but Tobirama was he was still being treated by that cute nurse.


	3. Chapter Three

**Rule One B**

**1 B: That includes the hot springs. That includes launching Hatake-san. We don't want him becoming a pervert.**

"Ready Hatake-san?" Tobirama asked him.

"Are you sure this is safe?"

"Completely, done it twice myself," Tobirama proudly stated.

Sakumo looked at the older man and put his trust in him.

"But where did you landed?" he finally asked.

"Oh," Tobirama thought about answering that. He landed once at the hospital to see that cute nurse and once to the hot springs. "Both times at the hospital to see a cute nurse."

"Oh, okay," Sakumo bought it but felt he wasn't being told the full truth.

"Okay Hiruzen," Tobirama looked at him, "pull."

Hiruzen nodded and pulled on the leverage. Sakumo flew and landed right in the middle of the women's hot springs.

"TOBIRAMA!" Tōka yelled.

"Run children," he told his students.


	4. Chapter Four

**2) Team Tobirama cannot have any stink bombs in their possession.**

Tobirama looks around to see if the area is clear of his brother. He gave a short nod to Hiruzen and Homura to do their jobs. They lit* the stink bombs and threw them over the wall. They quickly flee before anyone could see them.

"Good work team," he smiles at his them.

Kohura of course came along to watch for Hashirama and to warn them. She doesn't want to be told that she's a tattletale. So she would remind them they would get in trouble.

"I think they know who it was sensei," Kohura points out.

"Oh please," Hiruzen brush it off. "They won't know it was us."

"TOBIRAMA!" they all heard Madara's voice around the corner.

"Now it's a good time to run and hide," Tobirama gives them a slight push. They nod in agreement.

**A/N: Do you light stink bombs. The idea is from demon-fox321. I would accept ideas from anyone.**


	5. Chapter Five

**3) For the last time I don't own leather pants, so stop telling your students that and how I look good in them.**

"Tobirama-sensei," Hiruzen looked up his idol. "You wanted to tell us something."

"Yes," Tobirama cough and stood up straight. "This is an S-rank secret so don't tell anyone, promise?"

"We promise," they told him.

Tobirama look around to see if Hashirama is around. He's going to lie to them alright.

"I don't know why but Hashirama doesn't know that he owns leather pants."

"Is that a serect," Kohura crossed her arms in deviances though she would like to see the Hokage in leather pants for some reason.

Her two teammates thought this is the greatest secret ever.

"Yes and he looks very good in them," he finish the lie.

A few minutes later, Kohura asked Tōka about Hashirama owning leather pants.

"Who told you?" she had the feeling that she knew who.

"Tobirama-sensei and he said that Hashirama-sama looks very good in them."

"TOBIRAMA!"

Meanwhile.

Tobirama sneeze and felt chills going down his spine.

"Why do I feel like a dead man?"


	6. Chapter Six

**Good news everyone, you get three rules in one chapter. Oh and please R&R or if you have any suggestions, submit them in review form.**

**3A) that includes me having the power to look good in leather pants and put that forge photo of me wearing a pair.**

"But Tōka-san said he doesn't own a pair," Kohura begins to question her sensei.

"Because we don't want people to know that he has the power to look in leather pants," Tobirama produce a picture, though fake, of Hishirama wearing leather pants.

"Wow, you're right sensei," Hiruzen said while looking at the photo. Homura only nodded.

Kohura looked at it. She felt like it was a fake but didn't say anything.

**3B) or that the source of my power is from the leather pants.**

"And their also the source of his power," he told them.

"Really?" Hiruzen and Homura looked up at him.

"Yes," to Tobirama, this was too good to be true.

But his joy came at an end when Hashirama walked up to them. Tobirama quickly hid the picture.

"Explain yourself brother."

"It was Madara's idea," Tobirama quickly put the blame.

He motioned his students to run for it and to Hiruzen to get the picture.

**3C) For the last time return Madara's leather pants, after saying that, no they're not the source of his power.**

"There not my leather pants," Madara tries to hide the fact they were his. "It's Izuna's"

His eyes shifted when he said it.

"See Monkey, I told you they were his," Tobirama told Hiruzen.

Madara ignore the comment that Tobirama made.

"I would like them back now," Madara ordered Hashirama.

"Tobirama, return the leather pants."

"Monkey, where did you put the leather pants?" Tobirama asked.

"I 'lost' them at the river like you…" Tobirama quickly covered Hiruzen's mouth.

"I should discipline Monkey now," Tobirama quickly got out of there.

"My leather pants!" Madara ran out to look for his ruin leather pants.

Hashirama didn't know whether to laugh or harm his brother. On the other side of town Tobirama was treating Hiruzen to ice cream for a job well done, after a short lecture of almost telling Hashirama that they were behind the whole stealing of "Izuna's" leather pants.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Rule Four**

**4) Stop telling people that Madara is pure evil, and stop trying to convince his baby sister that, you know how much he loves her.**

"Tobirama-san," Kozue, Madara's baby sister, smiled. "Underneath it all, he's a real sweet guy."

"No, no, underneath it all he is pure evil," he corrected her.

"He's not pure evil, true he has a hard outer shell, but on the inside he has a creamy center."

"There are many of your clansmen; including your brother has a hard outer shell with a hard on the inside."

Kozue shrugged and walked away. She spotted her older brother. Walking up to her beloved brother.

"I'm touching your creamy center," Kozue rubbed his stomach. Izuna decided to see what's going on.

Madara knew who she had talked to. Only one person who would dare undermine his position as a ninja/ He waited till she left to talk with a few of her friends. Izuna was now close enough.

"Oh, I'm so very angry that I'm going to find someone to kill just to prove her wrong."

Izuna heard this and slowly walked off. Madara decided to kill Hashirama.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Rule Five**

**5) Stop telling your students that Madara is a pedophile. **

"Is it true?" Koharu asked with teary eyes.

"Yes," Tobirama reinforce what he said. Honestly he couldn't help it nor remember where he got the idea from.

"So he's really a pedophile," Homura looked pale.

"How do you know his a pedophile?" Hiruzen looked up at his sensei.

"Monkey, it's called intuition," he knelt down to Hiruzen. "And you will develop one someday."

An hour later…

"Do you know why I called you brother," a vain popped from Hashirama's forehead. He learned what Tobirama had told his students.

"Was it the time I used a giant slingshot to get to the hospital?"

"WHAT?"

"Okay that was not it."

**TBC**

**Still up for ideas…**


	9. Chapter Nine

**Rule Six**

**6) Team Tobirama are barred from going to any black market or any flea market for that matter. And for the last time no more catapults!**

Tobirama didn't know what to do. His brother, Hashirama, won't let him have any missions with his team or by himself. That confused him a bit. Hashirama should know that Tobirama should never have time to kill. No matter the length of time.

"Sensei, I'm bored," Hiruzen whined. His two teammates chimed in the whining.

The one thing that Tobirama does not like other than having too much time on his hands, is his team complaining about being bored. It often is a painful reminder that he, himself, is bored. He must quickly think of something. The idea came to him very quickly.

"Let's go to the black market," Tobirama said all too happily. His young team looked at him strangely. "To get a new catapult, since our "loving" Hokage took ours away."

The word loving was quite sarcastic and near the end it sounded like a child whose favorite toy got taken away.

"But won't we get in trouble," Koharu looked up at him.

"Not if we get caught," Tobirama had a smile that one could tell trouble won't be far behind.

They went off to go to a black market that has a good catapult. Tobirama was pleased with the one that he had found. Now he could see that cute nurse again. His students saw that smile again, twice in a day. Which can't end well for their sensei at all, not after all that has happen.

After getting it, with much barter, Tobirama got his new toy. Now the real work begins. Moving to the black market that is five miles away from Konoha and moving it to Konoha. After four miles, Tobirama called a halt.

"I have an idea," Tobirama turned to them. They, of course, were doped into moving the damn thing. "Let's use it right now."

"Really?" HIruzen asked all starry eyed.

"Yes monkey," Tobirama said with much composure, which was rare, and all knowing. "You guys would be using it first."

They were all excited and ready. Angling it to where they want to go. When they were satisfied with the location, they sat in the bowl. Tobirama lunch them into the air and they landed in the training grounds.

Now it's Tobirama's turn. He did some angling where he was sure he would land in the hospital, namely the level that the cute nurse works on. After many calculations, he was sure he had it right. Like his students before, he got into the bowl and lunch himself into the air. But his calculations were off by an inch. Instead of landing in the hospital to see that cute nurse, he landed in this brother's office.

Hashirama was surprised to see his brother but after awhile both realized what had happen.

"TOBIRAMA!"

"I regret nothing," Tobirama ran out not realizing that he landed on Madara.

**TBC**


	10. Chapter Ten

**Rule Seven**

**7) Stop spreading rumors about Madara, like him screaming like a little school girl. I don't know how you guys know that nor is it funny. Neither do I want to know how you knew that. I highly doubt that's true too. (Tobirama, stop laughing like an insane person it's not funny and you're scaring my newborn granddaughter Tsunade.)**

Tobirama and his team were bored. No bored doesn't even cover it. After Hashirama lectured them about not allowing having a catapult in their possession, they weren't allowed to have missions as punishment. This couldn't come at a worst time since there were a backup of D to C rank missions to do. And Team Tobirama had an itching of doing something.

It wasn't even lunch time when Tobirama had a thought.

"I wonder if Madara screams like a girl," he thought out loud. It was really intended for his ears alone but his students got wind of it.

"Why do you think that?" Hiruzen asked. It wasn't really surprising to learn that he was Tobirama's favorite.

"Huh?" Tobirama turned to his student. "You three heard that?"

They gave him a nod.

"Hmmm," Tobirama thought a bit. It came to him. "Okay we have a mission. It's 'To-see-if-Madara-screams-like-a-girl' and it's an unofficial C-rank mission."

His young students cheered. Well Koharu had second thoughts about it but couldn't help but wanted to know if Madara does scream like a girl.

"I see that you are all in," Tobirama had a wicked smile. "Okay, here's what we do…"

An hour later (with much giggling, posting up pictures that shouldn't be mention in this story without making the rating go to MA and planting several objects, i.e a fake Hashirama's diary in Madara's room. Nor how they got the stuff in the first place.)

Team Tobirama had finished the first step in the mission. Thankfully they bugged Madara's room. Now it's the waiting game. They all waited right outside Madara's room, all camelflagie with Chakra dampen sheets that an Uchiha or a Hyuuga couldn't detect the person. With a pair of binoculars, a recorder with tape and fresh batteries and aimed with a camera, they prepared themselves for the show.

It didn't take long when Madara came into his room. After a good look, Madara had a stun look. When his surroundings had sunk in, he started to scream. It was a rather shrill and very girly. The type of scream that the high and mighty Uchiha clan head shouldn't own. It took all Team Tobirama's strength not to laugh.

After Madara's screaming and yelling at his clan fest, Team Tobirama snuck away. Of course they didn't go unnoticed by someone.

That someone told Hashirama and he almost went ballistic. He ordered one of his aides to get Tobirama and his team. When they got there, Hashirama had a big vain popping on his forehead.

"Are you trying to put me in an early grave?" he asked with gritted teeth. "What were you trying to do?"

"HASHIRAMA," Madara stormed in.

When Team Tobirama saw Madara they tried to choke and surprised their laughter.

"Please make it quick Madara," Hashirama sigh. This is going to produce a lot of paperwork for him.

**TBC**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: As thank you for all the hits, reviews, alerts and favs, I'm giving you two rules for this chapter. Enjoy and R&R. And sorry for any mistake.**

**Rule Eight**

**8) For the last time Madara doesn't get PMS or the male equivalent of one. So stop spreading **_**THAT **_**rumor. **

Tobirama was thinking. Yes thinking. He wanted to do something today with his team. He didn't know what but he wanted them bond over the whole thing.

"Monkey," Tobirama looked over his favorite student. "Have you thought of anything?"

"No, not yet sensei, I haven't."

"How about you Homaru?" he asked.

The glasses-wearing nin shook his head no.

Tobirama looked over his only female student. Something is wrong with her. Being near Toka for most of his life, he knew what 'it' was. It was her time of the month. He didn't even think too hard to know what they were going to do.

"Monkey," Tobirama bend down to his level. "Get chocolate quickly and when you get back I would explain everything."

"Hai sensei," Hiruzen gave him a stern look and went off to get some chocolate.

Tobirama really wish that Hiruzen would hurry up. He really didn't want to deal with a teenage girl dealing with PMS. He still has memories of what Toka did when she was at that age. Oh the horrors that she had brought and being a master of genjutsu didn't help either. Than the idea of what they were going to bond over came to him. They were going to spread a rumor about Madara but they have to get rid of Koharu first. When Hiruzen came back with the chocolate, Tobirama took it and give it to Koharu.

"You can go home Koharu," Tobirama said but he made sure he didn't come off in a way where his head wouldn't be bitten off.

"Hai sensai," she took the chocolate and left without biting anyone's head. Tobirama was relieved for that fact.

"Sensei," Homaru spoke up. "Why did you give her the chocolate?"

"Its woman problems and what we are going to do today," he smiled at them.

"Huh?" both male students didn't understand.

"You see, every month a woman gets…" Tobirama stopped, he realize that his brother would bit off his head if he goes into detail. "….a gift that makes them moody and is only soothe by chocolate. We call it PMS and we are going use that information to our advantage."

"But how?" Homaru asked.

"I don't get it," Hiruzen said.

Tobirama ignore Hiruzen for once, "we are going to spread the rumor that Madara has PMS."

"But isn't Madara-sama a man," Homaru pointed out.

"I still don't get it," Hiruzen said it a little louder.

"I'll explain it to you later," Tobirama reassured him. "Now let's spread that rumor."

"Hai," both boys agreed to this.

One hour later.

"Good work boys, let's call it a day….," before Tobirama could finish a scream was heard.

"TOBIRAMA! WHERE'S MY CHOCOLATE?" a very PMS Toka screamed but was nowhere to be seen.

"TOBIRAMA, COME HERE RIGHT NOW!" Hashirama screamed from the Hokage tower. "WE NEED TO TALK ON WHAT YOU'VE DONE!"

"See you later boys," Tobirama ran for his life.

**Rule Nine**

**9) Tobirama isn't allowed to explain the female anatomy to anyone; I don't care how it is explained. (Though I must admit, your drawings are very good and detailed…wait….TOBIRAMA GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!)**

Tobirama stood in front of the two boys in his team. He would be teaching them about the female anatomy and why they get PMS.

"Okay boys this is a woman's (censor) with its parts like the (censor) and the (censor) which leads to the womb where babies come from. There are two sack-like things called the ovaries where they produce eggs. Each month an egg is release and if it isn't fertilized than a woman would have a period. This time frame the woman will get PMS," while he is explaining this, he is drawing on a large drawing pad on what he's talking about. "Now how a woman get's pregnant is easy. All she needs a man to do is (censor) and he (censor) and they (censor). There is a thing called a g-spot where it gives a woman great pleasure. Now how you find this is easy, all you need to do is (censor) in her (censor) or you could keep going at it, understand?"

"Sensei, we just ask why women get PMS not the last part," Homaru pointed out.

Hiruzen had a trail of blood coming from his nose.

"Sensei, how do you know you hit the g-spot?" Hiruzen was finally listening to that pervert part of his brain that was below the belt.

"I'm glad you asked that," Tobirama pulled out a pointer and before he could start Hashirama came into the room. "RUN CHILDREN!"

All three of them ran off.

"TOBIRAMA COME BACK HERE!"


	12. Chapter 12

**Rule Ten**

**10) Team Tobirama are not allowed to have espresso in their possessions, anyone caught giving them coffee would be punish severely. **

It was a bright sunny morning in Konoha. The birds are chirping their butts off and there was a slight cool breeze. Yes it was a perfect morning. One problem, it was boring as hell for Tobirama. He didn't know why, his brother finally let him and his team go back on missions. But still he was bored out of his freaking skull. His teamof course bored out of their freaking skulls too.

"So what should we do sensei?" Homura asked Tobirama.

"I don't know," Tobirama answered as they walked around the corner.

There was a new café that had opened near the Hokage's tower. Tobirama wanted to try something from the little café.

"Come," Tobirama got an idea. "We can get something here to think on ideas."

When they entered they look over the large menu. One thing that had caught all of their attention, espresso and damn it all their curiosity got the better of them.

"You guys are thinking of what I'm thinking?" Tobirama asked.

"That we should try this espresso," Hiruzen looked up at him.

"Yes, we should try this drink," he told them.

Getting up at the counter where there was a good looking cashier.

"How may I help you?" she asked him.

"Yes, my team and I would like to try the espresso," he told her.

"Okay then," she smiled as she prepared their espressos.

A few minutes later, she finished with their drinks.

"Here you go," she hand each of Tobirama's students a shot of espresso.

"Are they supposed to be like this?" Koharu asked.

"Yes, you should drink it with one gulp and a double shot for your teacher," she gave him a wink.

"Well thank you," he flirted back. "How much do I owe you?"

"It's on the house," she answered with a coy smile.

He gave her a wink. They all drank it with one gulp. The taste was rather different but that was to be expected.

THREE HOURS LATER

Konoha was in an uproar. Mostly from Madara since many fences said that he had a major man crush on Hashirama or that he scream like a little school girl. Not only that but the Uchiha compound had been teepeed, egged and forked.

Of course Madara didn't need to go to Hashirama to complained about it and demanded who was behind it.

"TOBIRAMA! GET YOUR ASS HERE RIGHT NOW!" Hashirama screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Run children and I'll regret nothing!"

**11) Madara does NOT have a man crush on me, so stop it Tobirama.**

During the three hours of mayham, they got some spray paint and were thinking of ways to making Madara's life miserable.

"I have an idea," Tobirama said while still high on his double shot espresso. "He has a man crush on my brother."

"Really?" Hiruzen didn't know that it wasn't true, or is it?

"Yes, now spray paint on the fences children."

"Aye, Aye sensei," they said at the same time.

After spray painted the fences about Madara's "man crush" on Hashirama they went to do something else until they heard Hashirama screaming for Tobirama to get his butt over to the Hokage's tower.

**TBC and R&R**


	13. Chapter 13

**Rule Eleven**

**11) De-pantsing Madara isn't a form training, namely stealth, of any kind. Though I am impress that you guys can pull it off without getting killed. And no, I'm not making you all Chuunin. Madara just in case my brother or his team doesn't follow this rule wear underwear.**

"Okay children," Tobirama looked at his students. "Your stealth is starting to suck big time. We need to improve on this."

"How?" they all asked in unison.

"Easy and I have something in mind," Tobirama grinned from ear to ear.

On the other side of Konoha, it was a bloody good day for Madara. The day started out so well. He had a good night sleep, a good B.M, a wonderful breakfast and the day is perfect to beat his rival Hashirama. Yep, nothing can ruin his day. But then again he had this strange shiver like something is going to become good from horrible. He didn't know what but it is ruining his perfect day.

A building near him hid Team Tobirama. They were making sure that the plan won't go horrible wrong.

"So who do we blame if we get caught?"

"Izuna," Hiruzen smiled hoping he was right.

"Somebody else," Homura questioned.

"You," Koharu looked at him.

"Good job Monkey and Homura and no Koharu. Remember kids, blame somebody else when things go wrong," Tobirama told them. He knew he shouldn't but he can't help himself. "Okay since Koharu is being a party pooper, she is look out."

"Not fair," she harshly whispered at him. Part of her really wanted to do this.

"Okay Team Tobirama," the white-haired Senju spoke to his team. "Move out!"

Madara continue on his walk towards the Hokage tower to challenge his eternal rival. Oh yes, Madara will win this time for sure. Since he was so into his battle plan he didn't notice that Tobirama and his two students were stealthily behind him ready for the attack. Amazedly no one took notice either, thinking that Tobirama was up to something again.

Tobirama gave a nod to Homura. The poor boy didn't want to because Madara scared him shitless but he had to do it. Homura took a deep breath, his teammate and teacher both gave him the thumbs up and big smiles of encouragement. But still he feels like he's going to die anyway.

"Madara-sama! Madara-sama," Homura ran up to him. Madara turned around to see the annoying brat. So this was the dent in his good day. Oh well at least it wasn't one of Tobirama's plans.

"What is it gaki?" he asked in a very annoyed tone. It was that kind of tone that let people know that if you don't hurry up you will die.

"Hashirama-sama isn't in the Hokage's Tower!" Homura blurted out. 'What did I just said?'

Madara raised his eyebrow, "oh really?"

"Yeah!"

"Who told you?" Madara was becoming suspicious about this whole thing.

" Hashirama-sama," Homura said the first name that came to mind. Thankfully it wasn't Tobirama.

"Uh-huh," Madara didn't belief him at that moment. "Funny on how I saw him walking towards the tower not too long ago."

'Oh I'm so screwed,' Homura was terrified and saw his short life flash in front of his eyes.

That's when he felt every eye looking this way. A flash of blue got him away and now he was in an ally way with his teammates Hiruzen and Koharu and his teacher Tobirama.

"Okay team, let's never do that again," Tobirama looked at them.

They all nodded in agreement of course Homura didn't know the real reason. But he really didn't care just because he didn't want to do that again.

"Know what, let's go train somewhere else," Tobirama suggested and all three of them nod in approval.

**TWO HOURS LATER**

"TOBIRAMA COME HERE RIGHT NOW!" Hashirama screamed on the top of his lungs.

Tobirama started to run for the hills since he wasn't sure what he was in trouble for.


	14. Chapter 14

**Rule Twelve **

**WARNING: This chapter contains copious amount of topless Tobirama. Women who have heart problems should not read anything that has topless Tobirama in it. This applies to women who don't have heart problems. See (picks up a pick of topless Tobirama) see how smexy he is? Anyway, enjoy this stupid chapter.**

**12) Tobirama is no longer allowed to go shirtless in Konoha. (And I don't care what the reason why you're shirtless…*eye twitching* Tobirama, stop telling your students that you're bringing sexy back.)**

Tobirama was finishing training his students when it started to get really, really hot. After awhile he decided to call it a day. He called his students around him near a small pond.

"Good work you three," he told them. "Let's call it a day."

All three of them cheered when they heard this. It was getting too hot and it was getting to them. Hiruzen just wanted to go and swim along with his teammates.

"May we swim as an award for a good job?" Hiruzen asked innocently. Part of him wanted to see Koharu in a swimsuit for some reason.

"Good idea Monkey," Tobirama cursed himself for not thinking that sooner. "We can swim in the pond."

Koharu blushed for a moment and looked away. For one she didn't bring a swimsuit since she didn't think of it. Second is that Tobirama had taken off his shirt kimono and mess undershirt. Now she can see his finely tone arms, chest and stomach. He put them near a rock not too far off.

"What's wrong Koharu," Tobirama looked at his only female student.

"I-I didn't bring my swimsuit," she finally found the words to say. There was a faint blush on her cheeks and she casted her eyes away from him.

Tobirama wasn't a fool and knew why she was acting like this. But about the swimsuit part it wasn't her fault since it was a spur of a moment idea from Hiruzen.

"Well you can get it and come back," he told her with a smile. The only thing that Koharu could manage is a nod.

"Wow sensei," Hiruzen had stars in his eyes. "I'll want to be ripped like you."

"Well Monkey," Tobirama turned to his favorite student. "For one you have to work at it and second of all…"

Before he could finish an Anbu, with a cat mask, showed up.

"Tobirama-sama," the Anbu said. She was surprised to see the Hokage's younger brother topless. "Hokage-sama has a mission for you and your team."

"Tell Hashirama that we'll be there shortly," he sighed. Tobirama really looked forward to swimming today.

"Hai," the cat-masked Anbu left in a swirl of leaves.

"Sorry kids, we will swim later okay."

"Awwww," Hiruzen whined a bit. He really wanted to see Koharu in a swimsuit for some strange reason that he couldn't explain as of yet.

"Don't worry about it Monkey," Tobirama patted his head. "Now…where is my shirt and mess undershirt? I put them right here."

"I didn't see anyone taking them," Hiruzen told him. "But why would anyone steal them?"

Koharu, of course, didn't steal them but it did come across her mind to do so. The only person who knew was Homura. But the poor boy was threaten with death if he told a soul.

"I'll bet it was that cat-mask Anbu chick," Hiruzen told Tobirama. "She was here."

"True but I'll doubt she took them," Tobirama countered. "Well, I guess I'll go shirtless."

The walk was long and many women stopped in their tracks to see Tobirama shirtless. It wasn't the first time he did this but it was with his students around. The women were too busy ogling his body to really think about this whole thing in depth.

"Sensei," Hiruzen finally broke the silence. "Why are the women looking at you like that?"

Many were beautiful and some were giggling with blushes on their faces. This was getting quite bothersome with Hiruzen.

"Because Monkey," oh Tobirama was aware and he enjoyed it. "Because they know I'm bringing sexy back."

After a few more yards of being ogled at by women they finally reached to the Hokage's tower to get the bloody mission. Entering into the office, they saw Hashirama busying himself with some reading.

"Hey, what mission do we have," Tobirama got his older brother's attention.

"Well it is…" Hashirama cut off there when he saw Tobirama topless. "WHAT THE HELL?"

"What?"

"Why are you topless? I thought I told you to do not do that again."

"What is talking about?" Homura whispered to Hiruzen hoping he will know.

"I dunno," Hiruzen shrugged.

"Because someone stole my shirt…."

"Likely story," Hashirama said under his breath.

"To bring sexy back," Tobirama said in a deadpan manner.

"For the last time you're not bring sexy back. It was never really gone."

"It did, don't believe me. Ask any woman and they would say that it left when you got married to Mito-san."

There was a giant vain popping in Hashirama's forehead.

"Your mission is to gather herbs in the forest outside the village's walls," Hashirama said with an annoyed tone. "And put a shirt on Tobirama!"

After that day no one knew who really stole Tobirama's shirt and mess undershirt since Homura enjoy living too much.

**TBC**

**Sucky ending, I know but it is all I can come up with. I'm still open to ideas for rules**


	15. Chapter 15

**Rule Thirteen**

**13 )Team Tobirama is not allowed to use Sexy-no-jutsu to get in the women's side of the hot springs. (And stop blaming it on Danzo or Madara! You're just as guilty)**

Tobirama was in a rock and a hard place. He was bored out of his skull yet again. No surprise there. He couldn't go back home since Mito and Toka had team up to talk about being a true woman. It didn't even take long for him to leave the room and house. And both powerful women didn't even have to utter a single threat to him.

Now it is just him and the two boys. He was still getting over the whole thing and was pondering why they chose the Senju compound. Why not the hot springs….? There he got his idea for what they were going to do.

"Okay boys," Tobirama gave them his famous 'we're-going-to-do-something-that-Hashirama-won't-approve' smile.

~In the Hokage's tower~

Hashirama felt a tingle on the back side of his head. This only mean one thing, Tobirama is going to do something completely stupid, going to give him more paper work or both. Sighing, he got ready for the chaos that Tobirama will bring sooner or later. Hashirama knew that him trying to prevent it will always fail and make things worse.

~A few feet away from the hot springs~

Hiruzen still had a slight nosebleed from the drawing that his teacher had created. They were going to use a henge that Tobirama dubbed 'Sexy-no-Jutsu.' The young Hokage-to-be liked the idea a lot. Turn into a sexy woman to go to see other sexy and very naked women. Now he started to feel strange in a good way. Homura felt the same.

"Ready boys," Tobirama stopped just out of eyesight.

They of course nodded. All three preformed the jutsu. Tobirama gave a nod of approval at the both of them. They were wearing skimpy clothes and their hair lengthened. Tobirama's own hair was the longest, reaching to his lower back.

"Let's move," he told them.

Getting into the women's side of the hot springs was the easiest part. The hardest part was not having a nosebleed what so ever. To the boys this was the best idea that their teacher ever had. Better than the ideas which makes Madara's life a miserable hell or with the catapult.

Tobirama spotted something. He gave a knowing grin and had an idea. He started to giggle a bit.

"What are you giggling about?" Hiruzen asked.

"Watch," Tobirama smiled. "Hashirama is ten times better than Madara!"

"NO HE IS NOT!" a black haired woman stood up with Sharingan.

The henge went off to show a very piss Madara. It took all of Tobirama's strength not to laugh like a crazy person. Madara realized that he was in deep shit. Next to him, a 'girl' turned out to be Danzo. Both Hiruzen and Homura felt a bit sick to their stomach when they saw that. But thanks to their short attention spans and being around so many naked women they quickly forgot about it.

"Well I didn't know the great leader Madara was such a pervert," Tobirama teased him further.

Before Madara could answer, a bunch of women surrounded him. It was the only time Madara had ever felt fear in his life. And the only time he saw his life flash before his eyes. With quick thinking, Madara left leaving Danzo on his own. Poor Danzo ran for his life before the women could do anything evil.

"Thank you," a good looking woman approached them. "We wouldn't have known that they were in here."

"No problem," Tobirama quickly covered the boys' mouths. This doubles as to prevent them from having nosebleeds.

"Would you like to join us," another walked up.

Hiruzen and Homura were having a hard time in keeping up with this henge.

"No thank you," Tobirama had become aware of the boys' plight. "I'm just showing these two little ones where the hot springs were and what to expect. Tough I'm worried that this might happen again."

"Oh don't worry," one bended down to eye level with Hiruzen. Now he had a clear view of her chest region. "This won't happen again, we will make sure of it."

"Well," Tobirama finally felt nervous for once and was hoping that nothing blows their cover. "We have other things to do, right?"

Both of the boys nodded. They quickly made their way out and when they were out of sight of anyone, they went back to normal.

"I'm impress that you two stayed in the henge long enough," Tobirama smiled. "And we have something we could use against Madara."

The boys were pleased with their work and enjoyed their teacher praised.

"Now let's do something fun with our newly acquire information."

But before they can do anything, Hashirama appeared right next to him looking very piss.

"Explain yourself brother," that vain in his forehead looked like it was going to burst at any given moment.

"Come one Hashirama," Tobirama turned to look at him. "Like anyone will ever use this jutsu, believe me."

~Many years later~

"Sexy no Jutsu!" Naruto used the jutsu on Ero-sennin, Jiraiya.

~In heaven~

"Fine, I was wrong," Tobirama told his brother.

**A/N Thank you *nasaku (from dA) for the idea and yes I made Madara a pervert. And yes I love torturing the poor sap but he does have the last laugh though. This maybe the last time Naruto and Jiraiya will appear in this story.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Rule Fourteen**

**A/N I'm willing to extend Team Tobirama can no longer have duct tape or what they can't do with duct tape when ideas come to me.**

**14) Team Tobirama can no longer have duct tape, glitter and bobby pins at the same time (I really don't want to know and I'm still mad at you.)**

It was a normal day in Konoha. Well not too normal since it was quiet…too quiet. Hashirama had a faint sense that Tobirama was up to something stupid but it wasn't strong enough. Now he is getting worried.

On the training ground twenty, Team Tobirama had made ringlets of duct tape with the sticky side out. They covered the sticky sides with different color glitter. The ringlets were strung together and were being placed up in a nearby tree with the help of bobby pins. The rest of the training ground was covered in glitter covered duct tape being held down by bobby pins.

"I think we're done," Tobirama smiled at his students. For once this wasn't a prank and all of them were hoping Hashirama won't storm in on their parade. "I think she's going to like this."

But before they can get the woman in question (the love of Tobirama's life) Hashirama had enough complaints from ANBU to see what's really going on.

"TOBIRAMA," Hashirama finally process what had happen to the training ground. "What the hell?"

"It isn't what you think it is," Tobirama stood at his defense. "I just wanted to show how well my…."

There was the all too familiar twitch in Hashirama's right eye to know that all four of them were in trouble. Deep trouble and there was nothing that can be said to save their skins. Yet Tobirama just had to try.

"It was a gift, I wanted to show…"

The vain just popped on Hashirama's forehead.

"Just listen," Tobirama had to play his last hand.

"I'm not in the mood to hear your excuses."

**14 a) Team Tobirama can no longer have duct tape and be around Madara at the same time.**

Team Tobirama were nearly ready for the prank. Oh this will be good. They were all jittery and pumped for this. Their target was spotted walking towards the Hokage's office as always. He was a creature of habit and they knew it. Split second they used a knock out gas to make their target go to sleep.

With time ticking away, Team Tobirama duct tape Madara to the fence. The poor Uchiha was upside down and still asleep. Before they left, Tobirama duct tape Madara's mouth and they all left.

**14 aa) While hyped up on espresso (I thought there was a rule that states that you can't have any what so ever, mostly you Tobirama.)**

~Twenty minutes early~

"We're not allowed to have this stuff sensei," Homaru reminded him.

"Oh come on, if we're not caught then we're not breaking any rule right Monkey?"

"Right sensei!" Hiruzen completely agreed with his hero.

~Twenty minutes later~

Tobirama sprayed painted that Madara had a major man crush on Hashirama. They even mange to capure Madara himself and duct tape him to a fence. It was creepy but he was too high on caffeine to think it that way. After duct taping Madara's mouth shut they all fled.

~Thirty minutes later~

Hashirama's right eye twitched as his brother and his young team walked into his office.

"Do you know why you are all here?"

"Is this about the giant sling shot than no," Tobiama said off-handedly.

"What giant sling shot?"

"Huh, run children!"

**14b) Duct taping your hitai-ate to hold it together does not make you a chuunin. (Tobirama stop giving strange ideas to your students.)**

Two days after the whole duct taping Madara to the fence, Hashirama still haven't figure out about the whole giant sling shot thing. But he did notice one thing. All of Tobirama's students had duct tape on their hitai-ate. He was hoping there was a good reason for this. So when they were all in his office, without Tobirama thank kami, he finally asked them.

"Sensei said that we'll become chuunins if our hitai-ates are more duct tape than fabric," Homaru told him honestly.

"I thought it was being held together," Hiruzen said absent mindedly.

Tobirama walked in.

"Sorry I'm late, what's going on?"

"Why Tobirama, just why," Hashirama looked at him.

"Is this about the giant sling shot?"

**TBC**


	17. Chapter 17

**Rule Fifteen**

**Beware the f dash dash dash word (the f-bomb if you will) will be used once in this chapter so if you never seen that word than frig off. **

**15) Tobirama please reframed from using curse words in front of your students. (And didn't I forbid you when we were younger to never pick something sharper than a hardboiled egg? Wait, you telling me that you didn't hurt yourself with a kunai and it was one of your students. Stop lying to me.)**

It was a normal training season for Team Tobirama. For once Tobirama decided that they needed to improve their kunai throwing for some odd reason. After a good throws from Homura, Tobirama nodded to Hiruzen. Thankfully Hiruzen was the last one to throw. He of course hit the mark for the first five. Now with his sixth and Tobirama checking out his nails not noticing that Hiruzen had his eyes closed. A split second later he felt a sharp pain his leg.

"Oh for the love of all f-"Tobirama looked down at his leg.

His students just stood there like a deer in the headlights. Not knowing what to do. Of course once Tobirama started to cuss like a storm Hiruzen thought it was a good idea to jolt them down to remember later.

~Five minutes later~

"Okay," Tobirama suck in air. "I'm good now."

He pulled out the kunai.

"Monkey what happen?"

"I thought I would hit the mark if I had my eyes closed."

"Yeah don't do that again," Tobirama told him. 'Thank goodness his aim was off.'

"Should we go to the hospital or something?" Homura asked.

"Don't worry I know some medical ninjutsu," Tobirama smiled. "Let's never speak of this again okay."

"Okay," they all agreed.

~The next day~

The trio was in the Hokage's office waiting on their teacher. Of course Tobirama was helping Toka out with a new genjustu of hers. They felt sorry for him.

"So what did you learn yesterday?" Hashirama was curious since they didn't do anything stupid nor did a prank.

"We just practice throwing kunai sir," Koharu told him.

Hashirama's face changed slightly but they couldn't tell the emotion yet.

"I hope he didn't injured himself."

"What do you mean?" Homura was the next to speak.

"You those three marks on his face?" they nodded. "When he was younger he ran with scissors and I don't know how it happened but he got those marks. Since then I forbid him from picking up anything sharper than a hardboiled egg. Yet he did manage to learn how to throw a kunai behind my back."

"Really, what the fuck," Hiruzen finally drop the forbidden word.

Hashirama gave Hiruzen a glare.

"Where did you learn that word?" he asked with a dangerous tone.

Now Hiruzen had two options here. Do what his teacher would do and lie his butt off or what Hashirama would call it being 'truthfully.' He chose the former.

"Uhhh….Marada," it was the first name that came to mind. It wasn't the first time that they have heard that word and it didn't come out of Tobirama's mouth. All three of them had heard the word from Madara at least once but they don't remember when.

"But sensei said it when he got stabbed," Homura blurted out. But once those words left his mouth he really wished that he kept it shut.

"I'll see," Hashirama really wished that he could do some bodily harm towards his younger brother now.

At the Senju compound Tobirama felt like a dead man for some reason.

**Rule Sixteen**

**16) For the last time no, you can't teach your students how to be sexy. (And stop telling yourself that you are. And what did I just say about you being topless in town!)**

Team Tobirama were walking in town since they agreed to meet at a supply store. After getting several objects, like new kunai knives, smoke bombs (they were happy that the owner agreed to sell them a few), a few sealing scrolls and a couple spools of wire

"Students," Tobirama looked at them. "I'll realize that you have to go on missions that require you to be sexy."

"Really?" Koharu asked.

"Yes and I'm more than happy to teach you," Tobirama said in a matter-of-fact tone. "Now lesson one is to know your target."

"But sensei how does that help us with anything?" Hiruzen asked innocently. He really did want to be sexy for the ladies.

"Easy," Tobirama took off his shirt and mess armor. He cast them aside and cross his arms. "Now students finding what your target thinks is sexy can be used against them. Like many women would find my body attractive and I could easily get a couple in bed."

"Why would they go to bed with you?" Homura asked. Somehow he had forgotten the lesson that Tobirama gave him a few weeks ago.

"That is another lesson all together," the white-haired man pointed out.

Hiruzen was taking this in. Get a nice body like Tobirama to get the ladies. He didn't know why or when he became very attracted to the opposite sex but he wasn't going to complain yet.

"Now lesson two…."

"Tobirama what did I just say about you being topless in town!" they all heard Hashirama's voice yelling at them.

"Uh…." Tobirama looked around for his shirt and mess armor only to find out that they're missing again. "Why does this keep happening to me?"

"You mean that Hashirama-sama always finding out what's going on?" Hiruzen asked.

"No, I mean someone has been stealing my clothes lately."

**TBC**


	18. Chapter 18

**Rule Seventeen**

**17) Hiruzen, Homura and Koharu, if you want to live to see another day, don't steal your sensei's stuff. (Tobirama I thought you got rid of that stuff dolphin and aren't you too old to have stuff animals?)**

Team Tobirama was wondering around town without their sensei. Of course Tobirama had an S-rank mission to do and they feel like Hashirama was doing this out of spite. But they were of course bored and Tobirama wasn't due back until dusk.

"I want to do something," Hiruzen complained yet again.

"Oh stop that," Koharu gave a slight push against her teammate. "Maybe if you stop complaining and think on what we could do."

"Maybe we could do something for sensei," Homura pushed up his glasses.

"That's an idea," Koharu thought about it. "But what?"

"Maybe we could clean his room," Hiruzen blurted out. "Since his room might be messy you know."

It was a good idea. Their parents always complained on how their rooms were messy and maybe their sensei's room was messy too. They decided it was the best thank-you gift they could give to their sensei. Since he is awesome and he taught them many cool things in the past.

They all walked toward the Senju compound and got in easy. Since Tobirama is their sensei no one really have any second thoughts about them being there. And they have been in the compound multiple times and knew where Tobirama's room was. The only bump was Toka, She thought it was strange that they were in the compound when Tobirama wasn't expected to be back at dusk.

"What are you three doing here?" Toka asked them. "You should know that Tobirama isn't here."

"Yeah we know but we were thinking to clean his room before he gets back," Hiruzen told her without a second thought.

Toka raised her eyebrow. She knew that Tobirama's room was clean, albeit with a few things on the floor like a few pieces of dirty clothes and some open scrolls here and there. But it really didn't need a major cleaning and it seemed strange that they wanted to clean it up.

"What are you guys up to?" Toka gave them a suspicious look. "Did Hashirama put you up to this?"

"No, why would he put us up to this?" Koharu asked her back honestly.

Toka didn't sense that they were being dishonest but it doesn't add up. This was bothering her but she knew that they didn't mean any harm to Tobirama. Or are they? She better keep an eye on them.

"Fine, go and clean Tobirama's room," she better not let them know that she'll be watching them.

"Thanks Toka-san," they all said at once and went to Tobirama's room.

When they entered into his room they were slightly disappointed that it wasn't that messy at all. Only a few pieces of clothes and scrolls were on the floor. His room was rather simply and had several scrolls and books that were neatly stack on a bookshelf.

"So that's what a floor looks like," Hiruzen spoke. "I can't see mine back home."

"Figures," Homura and Koharu said under their breath.

"So what do we do first?" Hiruzen asked rather naively. He never really cleans his room so he doesn't know what to do first.

"Well first let's pick up stuff off the floor Hiruzen," Koharu told him rather in a snappy tone.

"Really? I did not know that," Hiruzen picked up a dirty shirt.

Since he was the closest to their sensei's bed he spotted something. It was odd to see Tobirama's unmade bed but yet it was very fascinating. He slowly walked up to it to see a much worn out stuff dolphin. Hiruzen didn't know that his idol had a stuff dolphin.

"Hey guys look at this," Hiruzen picked up the dolphin. "Look what I found."

His teammates looked at the worn out dolphin with awe.

"I didn't know that sensei like stuff animals," Homura felt somewhat dejected about the whole thing.

Koharu didn't know what to say.

"What should we do with it?" Hiruzen asked his teammates.

Homura shrugged.

"Maybe we should hide it," Koharu told them. "Besides sensei is too old for stuff animals."

Both boys nodded in agreement. Their sensei was too old for such childish things. After moving the rest of the stuff around to make the room clean, they left with the stuff dolphin. They weren't aware that Toka was watching them take away Tobirama's stuff animal.

'So he still has it after all these years,' Toka thought, 'how sweet of him to keep it.'

At dusk

Tobirama was happy to be home. He could finally sleep with his stuff dolphin Iruka-chan. Yes he still sleeps with it but it was a very old habit that refused to die. When he got into his room he noticed right away that someone, more likely, three little brats have been there. He walked up to his bed and to his horror Iruka-chan was gone.

"You know they took him right?" Toka informed him.

"They're so dead right now," Tobirama responded. "And how did you know this?"

"They wanted to clean your room for some reason."

"What's going on?" Hashirama walked by.

"My students took something of mine and they are going to get it," Tobirama walked away to search for his students.

"What did they take?" Hashirama looked at Toka.

"Something very close to Tobirama's heart," she told him.

With Hiruzen, Homaru and Koharu

"I'm not sure this was a good idea," Hiruzen told his teammates.

"Don't be a chicken Hiruzen," Koharu told him. "This was a very good idea."

"What was the idea?" they heard Tobirama's voice from behind.

They looked at their sensei with fear. He didn't look too happy that they stole something from him.

"It was her idea!" Hiruzen quickly place blame.

"But sensei, aren't you too old to have stuff animals?" Koharu finally asked.

"Yes but that stuff dolphin was a gift. And if you give it back to me unharmed then I would let you guys off easy," Tobirama smiled but the threat was all too real.

After that they swore they would never steal from their sensei ever again.

**TBC**


	19. Chapter 19

**After a muse left me some time, she came back. And I know Izuna may not be alive when Konoha was first built or when Tobirama had taken up a team of students. But for the stake for this story, he's alive and well but with no eyeballs.**

**18) Please stop taking my journal (what did I say about stealing and you are not suppose to know that I have one….NO TOBIRAMA, FOR THE LAST TIME IT ISN'T A DIARY!)**

Tobirama was smiling since he was in a very good mood. For one he had found his older brother's "journal," a dairy if you ask him. How he got was when he had to get something from Hashirama and he found it by "accident." Tobirama really couldn't resist in taking it and reading the first page. That's when he got the idea to read some passages to his students for some reason. He really couldn't explain it but what the hell.

He finally got to the normal meeting spot. Tobirama was slightly early but it would give him time to read Hashirama's dairy. A few passages were just funny, some were hysterical and he must read them to his students. After awhile his students finally appear to get some training done.

"What are you reading sensei?" Hiruzen asked.

"Children," he closed the book remembering what passages to read and not to read. "I have found Hashirama's dairy."

"He has one?" Koharu looked surprised. "I thought guys can't have dairies."

"That's very true," Tobirama told her. "But matters and certain morals aside lets read it."

"Yeah," both the boys were in it.

Of course Koharu didn't think it was a good idea but she went along with it. A few minutes of giggles and laughing like insane people they all felt it as a team.

It took Hashirama a while to realize something was amiss but couldn't place it for some odd reason. He looked around his office but nothing was missing. It was odd but he knew he had lost something. A few minutes had pass when he felt that same feeling that Tobirama was up to no good or that he was doing something really stupid. In that case, he decided to look for his younger brother.

"What should we do sensei?" his young students look up to him.

The first thing that came out of his mouth was, "burn it."

Their eyes had that same glee when he found Hashirama's "journal." A lit match later and the stupid thing was burning like there was no tomorrow.

"TOBIRAMA WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?"

"I think it is time to hide," Tobirama told his students while he put out the fire. They all nodded in agreement.

**19) Taking your male students to a strip club to reinforce the female anatomy isn't a legitimate excuse to go visit one.**

He two male students had forgotten his teachings on the finer points of the female anatomy. Thankfully Tōka had taken Koharu again for kunoichi lessons. This made the other two questioned Tobirama on why Tōka took Koharu.

"Tōka felt like Koharu to have kunoichi lessons. Like how to use her body to get information," Tobirama told them without giving it a second thought.

Pause.

"Why?" Hiruzen finally opened his mouth.

"Don't you remember my lesson on the female anatomy?" he asked.

They shook their head no.

"Come on," Tobirama started to go to the red light district. "I know a place you can learn firsthand."

It didn't take them long to enter into a strip club. Tobirama was thankful that the boys will learn the work of art known as a woman's body. And to teach them one of the jobs that are expected of a kunoichi.

**19 a) Taking and paying Madara's way isn't a form of an apology or to reinforce the peace treaty. Or to keep him quiet about you taking your male students to a strip club.**

While going to the red light district they bumped into Madara. Well Tobirama spotted him first and Madara saw him with his students.

"Tobirama," Madara said his name between his teeth.

"Madara," Tobirama responded. Now he has two choices, let Madara go or let him come. "Do you want to come to a strip club with me?"

When he said it, it sounded wrong in every possible way.

"Why should I?"

"To strengthen the peace treaty between our two clans," he hoped this would work.

Nothing.

"As an apology by paying your way in," he really hoped this one would work.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to go," Madara said after a few seconds of thinking it over.

**19 b) Taking Izuna with you and paying a lap dance for him is just cruel and unusual, even if it was Madara who brought him along. **

Somehow Madara forced Izuna to come with them. The poor guy didn't know what was going on. After a few strippers did their thing and a few drinks, Tobirama shared his idea with Madara. Madara being slightly drunk agreed to the idea. They paid a stripper **to** do a lap dance on Izuna. Mid-way Izuna realized what was going on. He quickly blushed and had a small nose bleed.

"He may be blind but your brother is no fool," Tobirama informed Madara.

"Damn straight he's no fool," Madara drunkenly told Tobirama.

A few hours later Tobirama was teaching his boys something very useful when he felt that feeling again. Like Hashirama was going to kill him for some odd reason.

"Please enlighten me on why," Hashirama's forehead had that vain popping again.

"About the giant slingshot?" Tobirama answered that one rather too quickly.

"No not that….WHAT?"

"I really thought that was it. Nothing comes to mind," for once Tobirama thought about what he had done wrong for the past several hours.


	20. Chapter 20

**After much thought and reading the last chapter of **_**Naruto**_** I got the most crack filled theory there is. And now it is going to be a rule. Enjoy**

**20) For the last time Tobirama, stop telling your students that Madara has an e****vil twin. **

It was a normal training day for Tobirama and his students. Well….if you can call it that. They didn't play any pranks as of yet. Or used their giant slingshot lately and now they are itching to do something like that. Of course Tobirama was running thin on ideas which it was new for him. He always had ideas to use but now he couldn't think of one even if he tried.

But it came to him like a lightning bolt. The best idea of the century…no of the millennium and now he was going to test the idea on his students. Oh this is going to be good and entertaining but the only problem is that he doesn't have any popcorn.

"You know," he said with that knowing smirked. This made his students know that he's going to tell them something good. "You may not know this since this is an S-rank secret but….."

He dropped off at the right moment. His students were giving him those pleading eyes for him to continue.

"Please sensei," Hiruzen couldn't hold it. "Please tell us the secret."

This was too good to be true. But at the back of Tobirama's head he can hear his older brother's voice telling him what he was doing was wrong. He decided to ignore it.

"Madara has an evil twin," Tobirama told them.

They were, at first, surprised and then the whole thing sank in. That was an S-rank secret. But it doesn't sound right. Madara was pure evil of what their sensei had told them.

"But sensei," Hiruzen piped up.

"Yes Monkey."

"How could anything be more evil than Madara?" he asked what his fellow students were thinking. Of course they nod in agreement.

Tobirama started to think on what's more evil than Madara. For one his sister-in-law Mito while PMSing. Honestly she makes Madara look like a harmless and very fluffy kitten. As he about to open his mouth to tell them this he heard her voice about gutting him like a fish alive if he said anything. He does enjoy living so he decided to go against it.

"You do have a point there Monkey but his twin was so evil it made Madara look a harmless kitten. That's why he is sealed in a cave somewhere."

"What if he escapes?" Kohura asked with a hint of worry.

"Then we must train. And besides, he would probable try to kill Madara. Now we must keep this between us four. No one needs to know about Madara's evil twin, right?"

His students agreed but he knew they are going to blab about it to somebody else. Hopefully not Hashirama.

~Three Hours Later~

"Hello there Hiruzen," Hashirama looked at the future Third Hokage. "Did you learn anything new today?"

"Yeah, Madara has an evil twin."

"He has an evil twin?" Hashirama smelled Tobirama's work all over this

"Yes, sensei said that his evil twin makes him look like a harmless kitten."

"Oh really, well I need to have a talk with Tobirama about this twin."

"Okay," Hiruzen didn't understand that Tobirama is going to be in the world of hurt. "And I did warn people about him."

Oh good lord, why.

**21) For the last time don't call the new Raikage Sparky.**

There was a new hidden village simply known as Kumo. And their kage was proudly held the title of Raikage. This new Raikage was coming to Konoha to speak about a treaty and to see how a hidden village worked.

As for Hashirama, he had a major headache and it wasn't from the paperwork. No it came from his younger brother Tobirama. He was up to no good with his students….again. As he tried to soothe his headache, Team Tobirama or what they like to call themselves Team Awesome did a paint job on the Uchiha compound. It was a good paint job he said so himself but Madara, being the man-bitch as he was complained to Hashirama about the gaudy color that Team Tobirama picked. The color was hot pink with neon yellow accents.

"What do want me to do?" Hashirama was ready for the day to end. But to his horror it was only nine in the morning.

"Whipped that brother of yours senseless or beat some sense to him."

"I will think about it," Hashirama didn't want to hurt his brother, but at times he wanted to.

"Hashirama," Toka came in after she gave a knocked. "The new Raikage is here."

"Please send him in and sorry Madara, we need to cut this short. But I will see that Tobirama get his punishment."

"Good," Madara turn around and walked off.

After a beat Toka showed the new Raikage in, this could be the best thing in Hashirama's day.

"Good for you to come," Hashirama greeted the Raikage. "I'm sure you enjoy your stay Raikage-sama."

"Just call me Raiden," he said.

"All right Raiden, is there anything I could do for you?"

"I was wondering if I should have a student or somebody ready when I die to become the new Raikage. This has been plaguing me for some time."

"Well I chose my younger brother to be the next Hokage," now that he thought about it, it wasn't a good idea. "And he is training and preparing one of his students to be the Third Hokage."

Raiden took a thought about this. He had sent request to Konoha for the past year for help and finally they had relented. The fact was Konoha was unsure his true intentions were but finally agreed since it wouldn't hurt to help another village. It can pave the way for a peace treaty and all.

But before any of the two kages spoke another word, Tobirama and his three brats….students came in.

"Brother, can I ask for a favor?"

"Tobirama," a vain popped on Hashirama's forehead. "Why didn't you knocked?"

"I…what?" Tobirama notice a dark skin man sitting across from his older brother. "Sorry but the brats...my students want another mission today. I'm Tobirama by the way."

"I'm Raiden, the new Raikage," the man looked at him with a wary eye. This is going to be the next Hokage. Something about him doesn't scream Hokage to him. Of course he has been wrong before.

One of his students looked up at him with delight and questioningly. What was the kid trying to ask his teacher?

"No we may NOT call him Sparky," Tobirama told Hiruzen.

"TOBIRAMA!"

"What, I said not to call him that. Do you want them call Raiden-san, Sparky?"

Huh he may be right about the Tobirama not being a poor choice of a Hokage. But then again he does like the nickname.

**22) Please don't repaint anything. Mostly the Uchiha compound and how the hell did you repaint everything without getting caught?**

It was very early in the morning to where the sun hadn't scare away the stars yet. This was before anyone; mostly any Uchiha would be practicing. Four figures step into the Uchiha compound, past the guards who were slacking in their jobs.

The four were of course the great Team Tobirama or Team Awesome. They each had two paint cans and a couple of brushes.

"Ready," Tobirama looked at his students. He couldn't be any more proud. It was their idea to sneak into the Uchiha compound to paint it bright hot pink and neon yellow. This was the proudest moment of his life.

"Hai," they said at the same time.

"Okay we only have much to do and little time to do it. So let's get started, do you guys remember your jobs?"

They all said yes and each one explain their part to him. This let him know that they remember and ready to do this.

"Let's do this," he stuck out a paintbrush. "Go Team Awesome."

His students did the same and they all went painting the entire Uchiha compound hot pink and neon yellow. It took them two hours to finish which was just in time when Madara will begin his day. Team Tobirama fled the scene but before that they made sure that there wasn't a trace of them at the crime scene.

Madara walked out to see the horror of the compound. Hot pink and neon yellow doesn't go easy on the eyes, mostly if one just woke up not too long ago.

"HASHIRAMA!"

At the Senju compound Hashirama felt like he was going to have a long day.

**TBC**


	21. Chapter 21

**Sorry for the loooong wait. My muse was on life support and just woke up.**

**23) Regardless of who is visiting me, you and your team must show proper conduct. And for the last time the new Tsuchikage's new assistant name isn't Chesty McRackboob. (AND STOP THAT OOGLING HIRUZEN!)**

A new hidden village was created a year or two ago. It was named Iwagakure and it was growing quite fast. Hashirama was expecting the new leader, the Tsuchikage, to come to talk about peace and stuff of that matter. Hopefully it won't go as bad as the whole Raikage incident. He was glad that he gave his brother and his team the impossible task of training a cat. That should give Hashirama and the new Tsuchikage some time to talk.

The Tsuchikage walked in with his very womanly assistant. She had fine features but had an air of arrogance about her. Somehow she seemed bored with the whole matter and didn't want to be in the lovely city of Konoha. Not too far was Ōnoki, a short little fellow with a big nose. Hiruzen had a good three inches on this new boy.

Hashirama was already up when they came in. He greeted the Tsuchikage as a future ally if Tobirama doesn't come in.

"Welcome to Konoha," he said to all three of them. "I hope your trip wasn't too hard."

He motioned them to sit down.

"Do you three need anything before we begin," he said. He wasn't just doing this to get on their good side; it was a proper and polite thing to do to diplomats.

"No thank you Hokage," the Tsuchikage smiled. "But thanks for asking anyway. Let me introduce you to my lovely new assistant, Kakutasu and the future Tsuchikage Ōnoki. Now that we got that covered, shall we begin?"

"Lets," Hashirama smiled and began to talk. That is when he felt it. His brother is going to do something extremely stupid. Or could it be Hiruzen. He wasn't quite sure who will it be.

"Brother, we finally trained the cat," Tobirama appeared behind him with a highly trained cat on the former's shoulder.

Behind him were three kids looking behind him. One had a death wish since he was clearly ogling at Kakutasu's chest.

"Brother why are you here, didn't I tell you I was meeting the Tsuchikage today."

"I vaguely recall about you saying something about that this morning."

"Who is this man," Tsuchikage said. He wasn't pleased but at the same time slightly amused on the whole thing.

Now the second boy was shown to have some interest in Kakutasu's chest. This glasses-wearing one did a better job at hiding it. Unlike the first boy who didn't take his eyes off. But he finally snapped too and finally opened his mouth. Something that Hashirama wished to remained closed.

"Hey is your name Chesty McRackBoob?" he asked.

"HIRUZEN!" Hashirama glared down the boy. "That isn't the way to ask a lady's name!"

Now Hiruzen knew what his sensei feels every time that they do something like the whole paint job at the Uchiha's compound. Or that rumor of Madara having PMS, which by the way is still going strong.

Tobirama did a great job of hiding his amusement on the whole thing well. Homura quickly looked away bashfully. He didn't say a single word. Koharu didn't see the big deal of this. However she was envious about this new woman, mostly her bust.

**23a) No you may not call Ōnoki shorty or any variation. Besides you three are about the same height as him**

"And who's the shorty?" Hiruzen just dug his grave even deeper.

"Stop it monkey," Tobirama finally step in. "Don't call people short."

"But he is a munchkin," Hiruzen argued with his teacher.

Tobirama had a little mental fight of what to do. Either encourage him or stop him. One will bring the wrath of his brother and this other guy or do the "good" thing and stop this madess.

"Hiruzen, Ōnoki is going to be the future Tsuchikage just like you will be the future Hokage."

"Well that half-pint better grow tall," Koharu made a catty remark. "A kage must be tall."

Hashirama just rubbed his temples. This job was very stressful indeed, mostly thanks to his brother and his team.

"That's true," his brother said under his breath.

**23b) No Tobirama, you don't put rope in proper. (And put down that whip, you are a teacher not a circus animal tamer.)**

It was a month, or so, since the whole Tsuchikage thing took place. Amazingly there was some truce made. Hashirama was happy about the outcome. Of course he chewed out Tobriama and his students in proper conduct. But he didn't foresee what Tobirama was planning. Of course it took Hiruzen to finally drop the question that would put it to motion.

"Why do we have to be so proper?" Hiruzen asked his idol.

"Because we have to," Tobirama said in a deadpan manner. "Unfortunately, my brother doesn't have the guts."

Tobirama had a vague idea on what to do when Hashirama gave them the speech on being proper. Now the idea was completed.

"Why is that sensei?" Homura asked.

"He doesn't put the rope in proper," he told them with a smirk. There was that gleam in his eye. That partly scared all three of them. "But I do. I have the power to put rope into proper."

"Why does rope have to do anything?" Koharu asked.

"No nothing," he still had the smirk. "Something between me and the nurse that you guys aren't old enough to know…yet."

"I don't get it," Hiruzen said.

"You will know later in life," Tobirama dropped the smirk. "We do have to train in proper behavior and do our everyday shinobi training. And I know how we could do it."

"How? Tell us," Hiruzen jumped around Tobirama like a little toy dog getting a treat from its owner.

He pulled out a whip.

"Why do we need a whip?" Hiruzen asked.

"You'll see," he had that smirk.

"Tobirama," Hashirama didn't seem to be all that pleased. "What the hell?"

**24) There is a 'u' in community.**

They were cleaning the playground. Why on earth do they have to do this? There was no point. They were experience genin, they did better D-rank missions than this. Was it the whole whip thing? Or the whole rope in proper deal. They could never tell.

And Hiruzen just had to open his mouth.

"Why do we have to do this? Why?"

"I think it is punishment from Hashirama," Tobirama grumbled. He knew his students deserve better missions than this.

"Why do we have to do community work?" Hiruzen complained. "We're shinobi, we don't do any community work."

"Of course not," Tobirama offhandedly stated and wasn't thinking he was taking to Hiruzen and the two others. "There is no 'u' in community."

"Yeah there is no 'u' in community," Hiruzen proudly and blindly agreed to what Tobirama said. Somehow Hashirama just walked up to see what was going on when Hiruzen said that.

**25) Being a Hokage does not mean you can create special workday.**

"Why aren't there any special workdays?" Homura asked. He wanted to know why.

"Special workdays?" Tobirama was weary about this question and didn't really understand what Homura wanted to know.

"Well my dad said at work they have special work days like a casual day or fun day. So why can't shinobi have special workdays."

Hiruzan and Koharu were baffled at first but now they agreed with their studious teammate. Why can't shinobi have special workdays like the other workers of Konoha? Tobirama wasn't too sure about this. There was a logical reason why shinobi don't get special workdays like what Homura was asking about. That answer would be handed out by his older brother Hashirama. And the last time he checked he wasn't his older brother.

"Well it is up to the Hokage to give out special workdays. Since Hashirama is a killjoy he won't do it."

All three of them looked at him and he could tell that they agreed with him. Hashirama is a killjoy.

"Know what, when Hiruzen becomes Hokage he can create all the special workdays he wants."

"Why can't you do it?" HIruzen asked and the others nod in agreement.

**25a) For the last time there will be no 'Bring your mistress to workday'!**

"I will be making one very special day," he straighten himself out. "It would 'Bring your mistress to workday.'"

He was of course joking and wasn't planning to do it.

"Really," Hiruzen believed every word that Tobirama said. "You'll do that."

A pause pass. Tobirama regretted the whole thing. Koharu didn't like the whole thing and hoped he wouldn't do it. Homura has a soft blush on his cheecks.

"What's a mistress anyway?" Hiruzen asked.

**26) Stop making up legal sounding words. That means NOW!**

"Why do we have to study law?" Hiruzen didn't like learning about the said subject.

Law was his worst subject ever. There were too many laws to remember and how to counter loopholes. Besides it was boring as hell and he wanted to do things like swimming or covering the Uchiha's compound with glitter.

"As the future leaders, you must know everything there is to know on law and its loopholes."

"But it is boring," Koharu whined.

The only person who was enjoying himself was Homura. He loved reading books and learning new things. So this wasn't too hard.

"How bout we make up legal sounding words," Tobirama thought this would help.

"Really?" Hiruzen and Koharu looked hopeful. Homura just over heard the last part and wasn't too sure.

"Sure why not, what could go wrong?"

*An hour later*

Hashirama checked in to see Tobirama's students' progress.

"Rear-end joineder," Hiruzan gave his two cents.

"Tobirama," Hashirama seethed with anger.

**A/N: Some jokes I got from "Sebben and Sebben Employee Orientation." A free internet cookie for whoever finds the jokes.**


	22. Chapter 22

**27) For the last time the Sharingan isn't a form of pink eye.**

It was an unusually slow day for Team Tobirama. They had their normal D-rank missions which were mind-numbing boring on their own. Tobirama was sure that his team was ready for a high end D-rank or even a low end C-rank mission. But he was sure Hashirama was giving them poor excuse of D-rank missions as punishment for all those things he had said that they done. True they did paint the entire Uchiha compound in bright neon colors that one time but most of what he said they done were not true. Or least not that bad.

He sighed. He really wanted to have some action. His team wanted action and to see the world. It wasn't their fault that they were easily bored with things. Tobirama's boredom made his mind wonder.

Tobirama begin to think about the past week during another mind-numbing D-rank mission. He thought about the people he had seen and talked to. One of those people was the one Uchiha Madara. Somehow his mind kept going back to the Uchiha leader and how to make his life worse.

"He looks like he has pink eye," he blurted out of the blue. Tobirama didn't really realize what he had said but his students heard it.

"You know he does look like he has pink eye," Hiruzen gave his two cents in.

Tobirama looked at the future third Hokage. He really wished Hiruzen wouldn't parrot everything he said. But now it was too late to retract what he said. Now he has a mess on his hands but he didn't see it that way. He sees a golden opportunity to take a jabbed at the almighty Uchiha.

"Off the records," Tobirama said in an authoritative voice. "The Sharingan is really specialize pink eye."

His students looked at him and wonder. Hiruzen thought that whatever Tobirama said is truth; Koharu didn't really want to believe it but didn't want to voice it. And poor Homura didn't want to say anything since he wanted to doubt his beloved teacher but he had nothing to go on.

"So all of the Uchiha have pink eye?" Koharu asked. She wanted more information much like her brainy teammate, Homura, who simply nod in agreement.

"Yes," Tobirama cursed mentally. Koharu and Homura finally questioning the information he is given them. He didn't know if he could be more proud that his two students were thinking for themselves or what. "It isn't a well-known secret but at one point all of the Uchiha who have their Sharingan activated had an extreme pink eye beforehand."

Sadly Hiruzen took this news as face value. Koharu and Homura weren't too sure but they really didn't want to question it. And somehow it does make some sense. They're eyes looked red but what about their teacher.

"What about you?" Hiruzen was scared that his teacher was part Uchiha. "Are you part Uchiha?"

"Please," Tobirama brushed it off. 'Crap in the bucket,' but it quickly remember something. "I have red eyes because I'm albino."

"Oh that make senses," Hiruzen smiled at his idol.

A pause.

"What's an albino?" he asked.

"I'll tell you when you're older," Tobirama sighed. "Now, go home and get ready."

"Why?" they asked.

"We are going swimming," he stated. "Meet me at the lake in ten minutes."

Bad news for him, during those ten minutes his team spread the word that the Sharingan was nothing more than a specialize pink eye. Hashirama was now standing next to him being extremely pissed off.

"Why just why?"

"What, my team is going to swim at the lake," Tobirama didn't think much about it.

"No, the Sharingan being nothing more than pink eye," he didn't know what to do. This was the best idea Tobirama had but he made his job harder.

**28) Team Tobirama is forbidden to sell any D****ō****jutsu-like contacts Mostly the Sharingan-like contacts. **

It was a busy day for Team Tobirama. They came up with a good idea to raise funds for Konoha. After some brainstorming they thought they could sell Sharingan-like contacts to tourists. After two weeks of work they have a great product that was selling like hotcakes. And they were making big money too.

But of course buzz-kill, Hashirama appeared with Madara. Neither one of them seemed too please with Team Tobirama. Madara looked like he was going to snap anytime soon.

"Explain yourself, brother," Hashirama really didn't want to know why but this was mostly done for Madara's benefit.

"To raise funds for Konoha," Hiruzen stated.

"GET RID OF THEM SENJU SCUM!" Madara pointed to the contacts.

**28a) That includes selling them on the black market**

A week after the whole Sharingan contact scene, more people were wearing them and Hashirama didn't know why. Madara was still bitching about and demanded that he do something to his younger brother.

"I don't care how you do it," Madara was driven Hashirama up the wall. "Just get it done."

After an hour of Madara yelling and being a man-bitch that he is, Hashirama asked his cousin Toka to see where those contacts are coming from. It didn't take long to find who were behind it.

"Tobirama," Hashirama's right eye twitch. "Please give me a good reason."

"You said that we couldn't see them in Konoha, so the black market worked just as well," Tobirama smiled about the little loophole in the rule.

"I thought I barred you from going near any black markets."

Crap he forgot about that small rule.

**29) Being a team doesn't mean you can have a team pet.**

The cat the Hashirama made them train became part of the team. None of Tobirama's students wanted to get rid of the white fluffy kitten with those powder blue eyes. Not even Tobirama wanted to get rid of the cat.

"So it is decided then," Tobirama held the cat. "She shall be our team pet and for now on she shall be known as Tobi."

His students were pleased that they have a team pet and a cute one to boot. None of the other teams had an official team pet but them. Since Tobi could only muster the cutest mew only helps her cuteness factor.

Hashirama had called them in for a mission. All of them hoped it would be a C-rank and not a D-rank one. Entering the Hokage's office was not a big deal for the greatest team of the all. Hashirama was doing paper work and didn't see the cute cat with them. But he knew his brother and his students were in his office.

"Okay your mission is to…." Hashirama looked up to see a white fluffy cat on top of his younger brother's head. "I don't want to know but I have to ask, why is there a cat on your head?"

"Tobi is our team pet," Hiruzen blurted out with a serious smile on his face. Hashirama cursed himself for asking.

"You guys can't have a team pet," Hashirama's right eye twitch.

**29a) Stop using the cat to attack Madara just because he is allergic to them**

"But why?" Hiruzen used puppy-eye-no-jutsu on Hashirama. He didn't know that is Hashirama's one true weakness. His two teammates follow suit with the same jutsu.

Madara stormed in, not because Tobirama did. It was a long time since Tobirama or his team did something wrong to him. This was another different matter at hand. But before he could say anything a white fluffy cat attack his face.

"Tobirama," his right eye twitched yet again.

"Funny story," Tobirama remarked.

"Sensei said that Madara-sama is allergic to cats and we trained Tobi to attack him."

**29b) Nor does the cat detects evil**

After a few minutes of hilarity for Team Tobirama and extreme pain from tiny starches for Madara. It took a good several minutes of Madara arguing how this is another way for the Senju to subjugate the Uchiha. He finally finished his angry rant; Hashirama looked at his brother and his students.

"What, this cat can detect evil," Tobirama held up the cat who mew cutely.

"That is a lie," Madara bitterly said.

Tobirama held the cat close to Madara. Tobi hissed and spat at Madara. It seems that Madara was badly hurt by this.

**30) For the last time stop spreading the rumor that animals are deathly afraid of Madara because he is the incarnation of pure evil.**

"Not just the cat," Tobirama pointed out. "Every animal seems to know that Madara is pure evil."

"That's not true,"Madara was trying to hide the fact it was true.

"Oh really," Tobirama smirked.

Madara was obviously trying to not let them not it was true. He stood up and promptly left. He didn't want to expose that animals don't like him. But he would argue that it wasn't because he was evil. He was thankful that his brother Izuna wasn't there. Izuna would prove that animals did hate him due to the fact that every pet Madara ever owned hated him, run away or got themselves killed in some way.

"Tobirama, for the life of me," Hashirama warned. "Don't spread this around."

'Too late,' Tobirama thought.

**A/N: My headcanon is that all animals hate Madara because they know he is evil and that Team Tobirama had a team pet who is in fact the real leader. Also in my headcanon is that Madara hates cats and the cat, Tobi, was the cause. Please R&R and the ideas for the Sharingan being pink eye and contact Sharingan ideas were from Cavallo Alato's story.**


	23. Chapter 23

**30a) For the last time horses don't go crazy when you say Madara's name.**

The day didn't even end when Hashirama heard that Madara's name freaks out horses. He didn't even need to ask who was behind this one. It only confirmed it when his senses that his brother was up to no good. He groaned and got up to pay a visit with his younger brother. For once Hashirama wished that he had a stress free day without Tobirama and his followers…he means students didn't do something out of line.

It didn't take him long to find Tobirama, his team and the cat who was using Tobirama's shoulder as a chair. He noticed that they were at the clan's stall treating a horse to a treat. Most clans at one point used horses for everything since many of them were nomadic, like their clan did. Now many horses are used as pets or companions for many clans' members. He saw now that Tobirama was doing his job as a teacher. He was showing the right and wrong way to give a treat to a horse to his students.

"Tobirama please tell me that you weren't behind telling everyone that Madara's…"

Every horse stated to freak out at that name. Even Tobi, the cat, freaked out by making her fur stand on end and hissing like crazy. This doubles the size of Tobi.

"I told you that animals can detect evil even by name," Tobirama rubbed it in Hashirama's face.

Speak of the devil, Madara made it worse. Every horse was trying to escape from him. For once Madara seemed hurt by this. It even made the point on what Tobirama had spread.

"I'll meet you outside the Konoha's limit," Madara left not wanting to them to know he was deeply hurt by this.

"For the love that is holy," Hashirama sternly told his brother and his team. "Don't make it worse."

**31) The cat can't come with you on missions. Nor is it part of team in anyway.**

Tobirama and his students were pleased with themselves. They were getting a good C-rank mission. Tobirama was sure that Hashirama was doing this to keep their mouths shut about the whole horse thing. Tobi the cat was with them. She was riding shot-gun on Tobirama. This adds to Tobirama's fluff and he knows the ladies loves cute things like very fluffy cats and kittens.

They got into the Hokage's office with some trouble. The secretary even gush over Tobi the cat for at least thirty seconds before Tobirama informed her that they to see his older brother. Hashirama was pouring over paperwork and didn't notice an extra member of the team.

"Here's your mission," he looked up to see that white fluffy cat on Tobirama's right shoulder again. "Why is that cat on your shoulder? I thought I said no team pets?"

"Oh Tobi isn't a team pet," Tobirama said.

"She is part of the team," Hiruzen gave a goofy smile. "So she's coming."

**31a) No the cat can't substitute anyone on the team, inducing you Tobirama. **

Tobirama was away for an S-rank mission that he could say no to. Hashirama did this there would be no silliness from his team. But it didn't work like he wanted. He had a simple D-rank mission that they could without the misguida…guidance from his brother. It didn't take them long to reach his office.

"Now you three…," he saw the white fluffy cat again. "Why is that cat with you?"

"If Tobirama-sensei is away on mission Tobi is becomes our leader," Hiruzen held up the cat while his two teammates nod in agreement.

Tobi the cat started to purred loudly and gave her version of puppy-eye-no-jutsu. She even gave him the cutest mew even known to mankind.

'Must resist cuteness,' Hashirama thought.

Thankfully his wife Mito went out when she saw this cute cat. It was weird to see the woman that gave Madara nightmares and making him go into fetal position just by raising her eyebrow being all girly and gushing over a cat.

"Aah," she squealed in delight. "You are simply the cutest thing on the planet!"

'_My plan for domination is working,'_ Tobi the cat thought while Mito was shower her with affection.

**32) Stop making up villages and nations**

"I'm bored," Koharu finally said what's was going on everyone's minds even Tobi the cat.

This was new since it was Hiruzen who complains about being bored. He simply sighed in agreement. Maybe he was too bored to even say it.

And for some odd reason Hashirama was punishing them. Honestly Tobirama couldn't think of a good reason why Hashirama couldn't give them those back up missions. Many of them were from other nations. And that's where he got the idea to past the time.

"I'm sure some of those missions are from Land of Sky, Frost and Snow," he started out.

"I've never heard of those nations," Homura stated with Koharu crossed her arms in agreement.

Both of them knew their sensei was up to no good. Tobi the cat didn't bother. Amazingly it was Hiruzen that caught on to what Tobirama was doing. This was the first and perhaps one of the proudest days for Tobirama.

"Is there a land of Bean Jam?" he snickered.

"Yes and there is a land of Hot Springs," Tobirama winked at them.

That's when the other two finally caught on to the game. They were spending a good deal trying to outdo each other with silly names. Tobirama was the most sensible of the four which was amazing but he wanted his students to think outside the box with the names.

After some time Hashirama caught wind on what they were doing and appeared.

"Tobirama," Hashirama knew barring them from having missions was a bad idea.

**33) Candyland doesn't exist, stop telling them that Tobirama.**

"Is it true that Candyland exist?" Hiruzen spoke up. It didn't take future third Hokage long to pop that question. "Tobirama-sensei said that you both went there when you two were kids. So does it exist and can we go?"

Koharu and Homura looked up at Hashirama waiting an answer. Tobirama had a put his palm against his face. At times he wished that Hiruzen didn't ask so many questions. Of course asking a lot of questions is a good thing to have when being a Hokage.

Hashirama didn't know what to do. Hiruzen was asking a billion questions about a land that didn't even exist. How in the hell did Tobirama manage to deal with Hiruzen on a daily bases. True Hashirama spend time with them but all of those times were fleeting at best. Despite wanting to say no to Hiruzen and crush his little heart about Candyland, for once he wanted to say yes. But what good would that do.

"Tobirama please refrain from giving your students foolish ideas," Hashirama finally gave word that Candyland didn't exist.

**34) Tobirama isn't allowed to teach sex ed to his students.**

After a few days getting their souls crushed by learning Candyland didn't exist though it was Tobirama's fault for telling them in the first place. He decided that they need to learn some useful things. He had them sit in a training field far away from the Hokage's office and was rarely used. He chose this spot since it would let them get away with a lot of junk.

"I need to teach you about sex," Tobirama didn't want to go into this subject but he knew that they need to learn it by somebody.

"Why?" all three of them looked up at him.

"Should our parents teach us about this stuff?" Koharu wasn't too sure about this.

"True but most parents don't want to go near this subject with a ten foot pole," he told them. "I would give you a brief detail on the act and how to perform it safely."

His students simply got ready for what he was going to do.

"Sex starts between a man and a woman (CENSOR)"

(Thirty minutes later)

"And that's why nail care is important," Tobirama finally finish his lesson.

There were several well-drawn pictures on different subjects on sex. Most of those subjects were brought on by his students asking certain questions but the last one. The last one was brought out by several other subjects. Tobirama didn't know how they ended up on the subject matter.

"How did we get to that subject," Homura pointed out. His face was covered with a rosy blush.

Koharu's face was at a deeper shade. It was mostly blamed on thoughts that didn't want to leave her mind. Hiruzen has having a nosebleed.

"So that's how you do it," Hiruzen had a perverted smile plastered on his face. Oh he was getting ideas.

Of course Tobirama didn't even have time since all of them, even Tobi the cat, felt a very angry Hashirama come towards them.

"Same time tomorrow," Tobirama told them. All of them quickly left the scene.

**A/N: Frau Blucher, anyone?**


	24. Chapter 24

**35) Team Tobirama are not allowed to bring strays to or use to hold strays at the Senju compound. (And don't blame the can opener.)**

Tobirama and his students were enjoying a simple day at the main kitchen of the Senju compound. They swing around to enjoy lunch for a break of training. And Tobirama wanted to show them a new creation called an electric can opener.

Tobirama decided that he would open a few cans of tuna with this new machine. It wasn't a hard to follow how to use the stupid thing. Though Tobirama did hate reading any instruction for any reason but he got the can opener to work for him. Once he turned it on Tobi the cat, who was taking her normal 27 hour nap while basking in the sun, came dashing in. Another cat appeared. This one is was the color of dry dirt with a few dusty black tabby strips. There was some white splotch on his chin to its chest with a white back left paw. His ears were alert and eyes were cunning and sharp. Unlike the fluffy white puff ball that is Tobi the cat with soft pale blue eyes that convey cuteness. Neither cat seemed to like each other but that sound brought them in.

"Uhh," Hiruzen looked at the cat. "When did you get another cat sensei?"

"Never seen this one before," he told his students. "But I guess it wouldn't hurt to let him stay."

"Can we name it?" Koharu asked.

Hiruzen and Homura looked at Tobirama.

"I guess not but not something…"

"He looks like a Tenzou," Hiruzen smiled.

'That was quick,' Tobirama thought.

The other two seemed to agree with what Tobirama thought but they liked the name.

"Why is there another cat here?" an unknown voice said.

It was Hashirama. He wasn't happy about the new cat but something about this one differs than Tobi the cat.

"Well Tobirama-sensei use the new can opener and Tenzou appeared," Hiruzen answered honestly and his two teammates nodded in agreement.

Tenzou was now rubbing against Hashirama's legs. The great clan leader was having a hard time not letting his one true weakness known. Damn him and being a big animal lover.

"It's true," Tobirama added. "It is like a dinner bell for them or something."

'For the love of…' Hashirama thought. 'This must the worst excuse they came up with this year.'

Hashirama sighed and pretended to think about it. He didn't want them to know that any animal they bring he would say yes to. Tenzou would be staying since something tells him that he prove his worth in gold sooner or later. Unlike Tobi the cat who seems to only have two uses. One is being able to make Mito forget what she is angry about and another is her Madara-detecting abilities.

"Fine, Tenzou is allowed to stay," Hashirama pretended to abhor his decision. "But don't bring any more strays to this compound."

"But the can opener…" the three students began to explain.

"Can openers do not bring cats to it," Hashirama ended their argument. He left leaving Tenzou behind.

"Well welcome Tenzou," Tobirama said.

'These four stooges,' Tobi the cat looked at Tenzou, 'belong to me.'

**36) For the last time there isn't sensei-of-the-year award for a reason.**

Team Tobirama wanted to do something for Tobirama. They can't clean his room since they still remember their last lesson. They felt sorry for him since he has been working his butt off with so many A and S-rank missions of late and training them. That's when Hiruzen had the rare moment of brilliance.

"We should give him an award of some kind," he said thoughtfully. "Like a sensei-of-the-year kind of thing."

His two brainy teammates both looked at the other and realize it was a duh kind of thing. They really wished they had come up with it sooner.

"What," he looked at them. "Is it stupid?"

"No," Koharu gave a faint smile. "It will do."

They spent the rest of the day coming up with a trophy of some kind. The trophy didn't come out well since it was made out of papier-mâché and had a poor gold paint job. But of course they didn't think so, they thought it was the best.

Before Tobirama could reach the Hokage's tower, his students surprised him.

"Here," they chirped in unison.

"What's this," he looked at the abomination.

"It is your award of the best sensei-of-the-year award," Hiruzen proudly stated as he hand over Tobirama his trophy.

Tobirama was slightly speechless. He didn't know whether he should be insulted by the trophy or proud of his students. He decided the latter would be the best route.

"Thank you," Tobirama told them. "You are the best students ever."

They had a very touching moment.

'I'll burn this and blamed it Madara,' Tobirama thought about the trophy.

Afterwards Tobirama and his followers….students went to the Hokage's office. Tobirama needed to give his report to his brother and his students wanted to tell the said brother on what they did.

"Tobirama," Hashirama greeted him when he entered. "How was the mission…?"

"It went well," he told him.

"What is with that thing in your hands?"

"It's his sensei-of-the-year award," Hiruzen gloated.

"That is unfair since you didn't count other teams' sensei and we don't have it because of that reason," Hashirama really didn't want to hear it.

What he said made Tobirama's students put on the water works. Now he felt guilty but he must stand firm on his decision.

**36a) And no there isn't the sexiest sensei-of-the-year award either.**

"What about the sexiest sensei-of the-year award," Tobirama pointed out with a smile.

When he said it his students stopped with the water works. They had a thoughtful look and somewhat wanted their sensei to get that award for some reason.

Hashirama just had his face in his palm. He really didn't want to hear any ideas from his brother. And why should there be the sexiest sensei-of-the-year award. He could understand the sensei-of-the-year award. The idea had come to mind once in a while but dropped for some reason or another.

'I like that award,' Koharu thought as a faint blush formed on her cheeks. She agreed that Tobirama should have that award.

"No, just no," Hashirama sighed in anguish. "It is so wrong on so many levels.

**36b) Adding an 'm' to sexy, there is not such award.**

"What about smexiest sensei-of-the-year award," Hiruzen proudly stated. He didn't why nor did he swing that way. All he cares about his idol getting any kind of award to show his awesomeness.

Homura didn't think that would be a good award and it was the same as the last idea. Only difference is the added 'm'. Hashirama didn't see any difference. It was just Tobirama and Hiruzen up to no good. Thankfully Homura and Koharu were the only sane ones on the team.

"No and that's final," Hashirama gave his decision.

**37) Team Tobirama isn't allowed to have a trebuchet in their possession.**

It was a chilly day in Konoha. Hashirama was doing paperwork without having Madara storming in for one reason or another. Something tells him that would change in time.

In the Forest of Death, Team Tobirama got a trebuchet in their possession. It was like their catapult and giant slingshot had a lovechild and the trebuchet would be the said lovechild. Thankfully Hashirama haven't found the giant slingshot as of yet.

Tobirama was teaching them about different siege weapons and a counterweight trebuchet was a good one. And they were barred from having a catapult from their beloved killjoy of a Hokage. Of

"Okay Homura," Tobirama had that smile again. "Which direction?"

"45 degrees that way," Homura said after doing some math while point in the right direction.

"Okay monkey," Tobirama said to the future third Hokage. "You know what to do."

Hiruzen pulled the level which slings a big rock across the sky. It didn't take long till they heard the natural sound of Madara screaming and cursing like a sailor.

"In show of hands, shall we do it again?" Tobirama grinned.

His students raised their hands. Koharu and Homura knew they would get caught sooner or later but they didn't want to be the wet blanket. Besides they were 'learning' as it were.

"Okay Homura," Tobirama told his bookish student. "Do your stuff."

Homura nod and did some equations in the dirt. He looked at his work and erase it quickly.

"One degree that way," he pointed.

"Monkey, you know what to do."

Hiruzen pulled and a big crash was heard.

Their fun was stopped by the killjoy of the Hokage showed up.

"Do you know how much damage you did with the Uchiha compound?"

"Uhhh…." Tobirama was drawing a blank. "This is why math is important."

This didn't make sense to his students since Homura is the math-wiz of the group. Hashirama really didn't buy it since he knows that Homura was the best student in said subject.

**37a) That includes mangonel. **

A week later they had gotten their hands on another catapult-like device. They chose a new spot to use their mangonel. They were testing it on how much damage it could do. With Homura smarts in math, Koharu ability to find the best rocks and Hiruzen love of pulling the lever they made a great team.

Of course after the tenth rock hitting the Uchiha's compound, one hitting the Hokage's tower and a stray hitting Madara's office window, Hashirama showed up very pissed off.

"How are you getting these things?" Hashirama wasn't a happy camper

**38) For the last time Mito doesn't wear the pants in the marriage so stop spreading that rumor.**

Three days after Hashirama took their beloved mangonel away from them, Tobirama decided to get back at his brother. By revealing the biggest secret of them all of course he needs to let it in a certain manner. And today was a good day since it was slow and boring as hell.

"I'm glad I'm not Hashirama since Mito wears the pants of the marriage," Tobirama offhandedly remark.

"What's that sensei," Hiruzen said.

He and his two teammates both looked up at him begging for more information. Any information about Hashirama and Mito was the juiciest. They wanted to know even if most of it was gossip or not true.

"I'm surprise you three didn't know. Mito wears the pants since she makes Madara piss himself without even trying."

There was more too it but most of that wasn't for their ears. And he didn't think they want to hear what happens behind closed doors. He only knew about since he often sees the aftermath in the mornings or in the afternoons if Mito was in the mood. Tobirama often shudder at the thought and was happy it wasn't him.

"So she wears the pants because of it?" Hiruzen asked innocently. He really didn't understand it but Koharu and Homura seemed to have the basic.

"Yes," Tobirama didn't want to destroy their respect for Hashirama.

Despite enjoying making Hashirama's life and job hard he wasn't evil enough to destroy any respect that the people have for him. He still loves his older brother like any little brother should so he won't dish out any dirty secrets. Besides it only give ammo to Madara to blackmail Hashirama. Since this little information included Mito, Tobirama knew that Madara wouldn't dare use it against his older brother.

"But this is between us," Tobirama mockingly said in a stern tone.

His students nod and felt proud. But he knows that in some way each of them would spread the word that Mito wears the pants in the marriage.

**A/N: I can't explain what a mangonel looks like but the best way to describe is a catapult-like device. And headcanon, Mito wears the pants of the marriage. This is the longest Breaking the Rules chapter to date. Don't expect another anytime soon. Unless you guys give me good ideas for rules.**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: In honor of the movie ****Hobbit, ****here are some rules. And yes I do torturing Maddy-bear, not because I hate him but he is an easy target. **

**39) There is no such thing of the "One Ring of Power."**

It was a great day for Madara. The compound wasn't painted brightly in neon colors, his rival was swamped with paper work and his brother and his rag-tagged of students were nowhere in sight. It doesn't hurt that he had a great night sleep and a great BM. Now he could face anything.

On the other side of Konoha, Tobirama and Hiruzen were both in a competition. Whoever wins would choose what they would do that day. Both of them looked at each other quite seriously and neither of them wanted to lose.

"Flying monkeys." "One ring of power."

Hiruzen lost to his sensei. They were going do something about a ring of power. His idea was better and more entertaining.

"Okay students, we are going to spread a rumor about a ring of power."

"Sounds lame," Hiruzen blurted out.

"Now monkey, did you know that Madara has the one ring of power that grants him invisibility?"

"Really?"Hiruzen was frightened about the one ring.

"No idiot," Koharu whacked the backside of his head. "That would be the rumor we spread. Right sensei?"

She really hoped it was just that, a rumor.

"Of course it's a rumor," Tobibrama made it vague.

A pause.

"It is a rumor," he stated flatly. "Now go and spread it."

An hour later.

"Do you know why I asked your team to come to this office?" Hashirama wasn't happy but the rumor was kinda funny and over the top. He didn't even believe that Madara had a ring of power to conquer the entire world.

"Is this about the giant slingshot?" he asked.

"Mew," Tobi the cat squeak out.

"No it is that rumor you spread about Madara."

Tobi the cat puffed out even more and hissed like crazy.

"Someone said my name," Madara walked in with a lot of swag. But he was there to complain to Hashirama and to chew out Tobirama.

Of course before he reached the desk he was attacked by that cat again. Hashirama sighed which meant that Tobirama must remove Tobi the cat off of Madara's face. When he did this Madara's face was covered with a lot of tiny scratches.

**39a) Madara didn't make the One Ring out of his malice, hate and his massive man-crush of me. **

"Now why Madara would have the one ring?" Hashirama was trying to be logical in the matter.

"So he could take over the world," Hiruzen was the first to say it.

It sounded ridiculous and over the top even for Team Tobirama. Hashirama just groaned in annoyance. He planted his face in his hands. This is going to be a long day.

"And he made it out of his malice, hate and his massive man-crush on you," Hiruzen said in a matter-of-fact tone.

The last part was plain idiotic and he thought he told them that Madara didn't have a massive man-crush on him.

"For the last time I don't have a massive man-crush on him," Madara said in his defense. "He is my one true rival."

"What about Mito-sama?" Tobirama didn't think about what would happen.

A thud was heard and both Senju brothers looked to its source. It was Madara in a fetal position sucking his thumb and rocking.

"That isn't something you see every day," voiced Tobirama. His students nodded and were amaze to see a grown man, much less Madara, to do this.

'I hope Tobirama doesn't get any ideas,' Hashirama thought to himself.

**39b) And no, Madara doesn't have the said ring**

A few hours later Tobirama's students still believe that Madara has the one ring to rule them all. Tobirama was sent to take care of a moody Tōka as punishment for spreading the ring rumor. Now Hashirama must deal with his students. He didn't even know how the heck Tobirama was able to deal with it daily. But part of him understands why Tobirama's own doing with pranks and all even if he didn't approve. It kept them busy.

"For the last time Madara doesn't have the one ring of power," Hashirama finish the argument.

**40) There is no such thing as "Mt. Doom"**

"What about Mt. Doom where the ring was forge?" Hiruzen asked while his two teammates nodded in agreement.

"Even if I didn't find a Mt. Doom," Homura pushed up his glasses. "It is possible that its location has been kept secret."

"Didn't Tobirama-sensei say something like that," Koharu pointed out.

Oh good lord what has Tobirama been taking lately. Maybe he shouldn't have punished Tobirama by making him take care of Mito or Tōka when it was their time of the month. It is possible he was hit on the head very hard by Mito or Tōka might have warped his mind a bit. Of course that didn't make sense. Both of them dealt with both women equally when it was that time of the month. Or is this punishment for that mean things that he did when they were younger.

"There is no Mt. Doom."

**40a) No, Madara wasn't born any near "Mr. Doom"**

"Then where was Madara-san was born?" it was Homura who asked the question. "Tobirama-sensei did say he was born near Mt. Doom."

"Yeah and he was conceive on it too," Hiruzen pointed out. "Whatever that mean."

"Did you forget Tobirama-sensei's sex-ed lesson?" Koharu wanted to smacked her thicker than cinder-block teammate.

"He was born in the Land of Fire I'm sure," Hashirama sighed.

"But that doesn't mean he was born near Mt. Doom," Hiruzen quickly jumped on the golden opportunity. "For all we know Mt. Doom is somewhere in the Land of Fire."

His two teammates were surprise that Hiruzen did a clever move like that. Even Hashirama was amaze. Normally Hiruzen would miss such an opportunity but he was glad that Hiruzen was blossoming into a fine person.

"Besides why did you lose sexy?" Hiruzen bluntly asked.

Never mind.

**41) For the last time Madara isn't building an army to destroy the shinobi world.**

It wasn't even the day of the one ring and the mountain of doom did Tobirama's students open up their mouths. This time Hashirama couldn't place the blame on Tobirama since he ran for the hills upon learning that Tōka was having her time of the month. If it was Mito's, he would have skipped out and go to the Land of Waves and stay there with his students.

"He is building an entire army to destroy the world," Hiruzen was waving his arms up and down. He was trying to prove his point to the First Hokage.

"No Hiruzen," Hashirama said in a calm tone. "Madara doesn't enough time to build an army that big."

"How do you know?" Homura asked. "It is possible that he is taking his time."

"Trust me," Hashirama told the three. "We would have notice something by now. And don't worry if he is building an army than beg Tobirama to train you."

"That's not a bad idea," Koharu placed her hands on her hips. "Why didn't you think of it smarty?"

She turned to Homura and he couldn't answer her for the life of him. It didn't simply accord to him that they can beg Tobirama to teach them more powerful jutsus.

**42) There would never be an alliance between the nations to defeat Madara so stop telling everyone that and put up those banners. **

When Tobirama did return, now sporting a five-o-clock shadow, his students told them the news that Madara was building an army.

"Very well we must train," Tobirama told them. "But we must make an alliance with every nation to defeat him."

"You think so," Hiruzen thought out loud. "I guess it wouldn't hurt since he is powerful. Should we make banners too?"

His two teammates were surprise that Hiruzen was getting smart. He was thinking more deeply and was threaten Homura's position of the team's brain. Of course he is still a dolt but he's their dolt.

"Not a bad idea," Tobirama really didn't believe that the great nations would ever make an alliance to defeat Madara. There is a reason why his brother is the Hokage. "Maybe you should make banners so we'll have them ready when he does come with his army."

"Sweet," Hiruzen threw his fist into the air. "Come on team. We have banners to make."

While they went to get supplies they told everyone they make contact with on what they were doing and why. The word slowly went to Hashirama and he knew his brother was back in town.

**43) No, Madara's index finger isn't his one true weakness.**

"Does Madara have a weakness?" Hiruzen asked. It was innocent enough.

Hashirama was of course spying on them while they trained. It took them about an hour to notice him. It didn't take Tobirama long to know his brother was there in the tree. Hiruzen's question might have thrown the two Senju brothers off but it was a good question.

"It is his index finger," Tobirama joked. "If you cut it off than it is game over for him."

"No Tobirama," Hashirama sighed. "It isn't his index finger. For some reason he is deathly afraid of my wife."

"No there is a reason and it comes once a month," Tobirama said in a snarky tone.

"What comes once a month?" Hiruzen asked completely forgetting his female anatomy lesson and why women have PMS.

No one wanted to say anything.

"No really what comes once a month?" he asked again.

"Forget about it," Tobirama ruffled his hair. "And his true weakness is his index finger."


	26. Chapter 26

**Warning: PMS!Mito appears in this chapter. Headcanon, Mito is downright scary when Aunt Flow visits. Whoever stands up to her is pretty much asking for a death wish. **

**44) We will never speak of this again**

"Okay we need a hundred Styrofoam balls, streamers, wire, a drill, Madara's cooking and some glass," Tobirama gave each of his students the load down. "You guys have each one thing to get on the list while I get the other three more easily. See you back in the training grounds in an hour."

*Five and a half hours and another mess up Uchiha later*

"Thanks to you Kagami would never be the same," Tōka finally finish her report. "But with time he can go back doing missions.

Hashirama was pissed off. Because they made Madara give him a mega man-bitch whining for about three and a half hours.

"We will never speak of this again," Hashirama was beyond words. Though Team Tobirama thought it was hysterical on what happen. "Do you understand?"

"But I don't get it, how could Kagami go….?" Hiruzen started to say.

"Never again!"

That made Tobirama and his students knew he meant business.

**45) For the last time stop using my wife's monthly visit to scare Madara to death.**

It was that time again. Tobirama could feel it. Tōka prepared for it since the last time. The Senju fear more than an uprising that Madara caused. Yes, it was Mito's time of the month. They felt sorry for her husband, their beloved leader, Hashirama and they fear that he might die. Not from fighting Madara but his wife's hand.

Thankfully for Tobirama left the compound and planned to stay away for the next five days. Maybe go to a beach or something. He can't tan for the life of him, he really burns after five minutes but just enjoy the day with his students. Of course he could use this as an excuse to leave Konoha and take a break.

But before he can taste that tropical drink he bumped into Madara inside of the Hokage tower. Tobirama didn't know how he got there but he didn't put much thought to it. Of course Madara wasn't having a good day and seemed to find his lightning rod of hate today.

"You will pay for what you did to poor Kagumi," he said with a lot of venom in his voice.

"You do know I'll just get Mito-sama and let me warn you," Tobirama smirked, "it's that time of the month for her."

On a normal day when she gets angry at him it is no big deal. Yet he hasn't seen a pms Mito which he is sure is the most nightmarish thing on the planet. Madara didn't want to know what would happen if Mito chose him to be her butt monkey.

"Of course Hashirama must deal with her for five days. You are very lucky to not see that side of her," Tobirama shudder at the thought.

Madara of course was in the fetal position sucking his thumb. He still remembered what happen the last time Mito turned him into the human pretzel. He didn't want to image what she would do to him at the time of the month.

**45a) No, Madara would not be the new butt-monkey to Mito on her time of the month. But thank you for giving me a day of rest.**

"Are you okay Madara?"

"Of course," he tried to get back some honor but failed. It was obvious that he was shaken. "Now you are going to pay for harming Kagumi."

"Do you even care about him?" Tobirama asked when Madara garbed his shirt's collar.

"Not really but I do care about the Uchiha's honor."

Tobirama gave a thought and knew what to do. It was evil but it would give Madara nightmares for the rest of his life.

"MITO-SAMA, MADARA CALLED YOU FAT!"

In no time a very angry Mito appeared exuding killing intent. Oh he is so screwed.

"What did you say about me?" she placed her hand on his shoulder and breaking it in the process.

He was force to let go Tobirama and drop in pain. Tobirama slowly back away from Mito knowing that he might be her next victim. He quickly took his students and informed their parents that they were going on a trip and be back within five days. He knew that Mito won't hurt his students but he didn't want to chance it.

Six days later

"Where did you go?" Hashirama looked up to see his brother with a five-o' clock shadow.

"The beach," Tobirama walked in with a badly burnt Hiruzen, a nicely tanned Koharu and slightly toasted Homura. Strangely Tobirama wasn't badly burned at all. In fact he was still pale.

"Let me guess you stayed under the beach umbrella or stayed at a bar."

"Pretty much," Tobirama smiled. He had a good vacation. "How's Madara?"

"It took three full days of intense therapy to make him semi-normal."

"I didn't know Madara was normal," Tobirama snarkly remark.

"Don't make him the butt-monkey to my wife ever again."

'I thought he already was her butt-monkey,' Tobirama, Koharu and Homura all thought at the same time.

**45b) Stop using the excuse that you created a space time ninjutsu just to get away from my beautiful wife during her time of the month.**

Yet again it was that time of the month. Tobirama was of course planning to leave the day before with his students. It was only a manner of time before a very angry Mito bites a couple of heads off just by giving her a "look." Tobirama often avoids Mito like the third scourge of mankind. Now he shall test his new jutsu to get away from her.

"Brother, what are you doing?" Hashirama asked.

"Oh a new jutsu," he left out why.

"Do I want to know the reason?"

"Do you?"

Hashirama thought a bit and decided that he didn't. He simply just left his younger brother to his jutsu making time. He was off to get his "poor" wife something to soothe her cramps. And tampons. When he got back his brother was gone than he heard something.

"It's complete," Tobirama smiled rather proudly.

"What the hell?" Mito screamed behind closed doors.

"She's yours," Tobirama told his brother before using his brand new Space-Time ninjutsu. Of course he "kidnapped" his students who were ready at their normal training ground. "To the beach."

Thankfully they were told ahead of time and were ready. All three of them were ready for different reasons. Koharu was ready to see her teacher topless, Hiruzen was ready to see Koharu in a bathing suit and Homura was ready to study creatures that lived on the beach.

Five days later and Tobirama with a five o'clock shadow

Five days' worth of drinking tropical drinks, surfing and lazing under an umbrella, Tobirama came back pale as ever. Which was slightly amazing but his secret would be taken with him to his grave. His three students did their thing. Hiruzen tried to impress Koharu, failed. Koharu did nothing but swim and admire their topless teacher and Homura learned firsthand not to anger a crab.

"You know I should never have left my clothes out in the open," Tobirama was walking with shorts and an open t-shirt that didn't belong to him. It made him look like a beach bum. "This happens every time. Well meet me at our normal training grounds."

"Hai," all three of them learn something from last time they visited a beach. Mostly Hiruzen, who wasn't red like a lobster but was nicely tanned.

Hashirama bumped into them not long after Tobirama left.

"How was your trip?" he regrettably asked.

"Well the trip to and fro didn't take long thanks to sensei's new Space-Time jutsu," Hiruzen proudly stated. "He simply made it to get away from Mito-sama during her woman time of the month."

There was a vein popping on Hashirama's forehead. So that's the reason behind that jutsu. Oh, he would force his brother to help him take care of Mito next month.

**46) Team Tobirama can't have a ballista. ***

"Okay students," he told them. "We are only doing this one time."

"Ahh" they whined.

"Why?" Hiruzen asked.

"Because our killjoy of a Hokage would take our toy away is the reason."

They all looked disappointed but they knew it was true. After some cheering up from Tobirama and Tobi the cat, they all went to work. They didn't destroy any part of the Uchiha compound which was new but they believe that it was Madara that made Hashirama look for them. After a few hours Tobirama launch each student to their desired location. He finally got down with this ballista. Now it is time to see that cute nurse again. After some calculations he managed to get to the right location.

"Well hello there," he smiled. Thankfully he still had his five o'clock shadow. It was that cute nurse that had stolen his heart. He had some cuts and bruises but that can be fixed.

All she could do is blushed a bright beet red color. They were in a vacant room together. How that happened reminds a mystery. Of course he could easily use his new Space-Time ninjutsu but shooting himself with something like a ballista was more fun. Then again his killjoy brother didn't approve at all.

**A/N:**

***The idea is from Cavallo Alato ( )/Equestrian-Equine(dA)**


	27. Chapter 27

**47) Tobirama or any of his students should not encourage someone to pursue a relationship of any kind. And please don't bring my wife into this.**

Hiruzen had found the love of his life. True he is a horny thirteen year old boy and often falls in love at the drop of a hat. But now it is different. He has found THE ONE. Her name was Biwako and she didn't even bat an eyelash when he is nearby. That only means that she loves him. Ergo, using his distorted logic, they were meant to be.

When Tobirama heard that Hiruzen feel head over heels for some girl he couldn't be happier. But when he heard the said girl had a disdain for the said boy made an interesting case. Part of him wants his prized student to learn from mistakes like this one but another doesn't want him to get hurt. But that very small part that made Hashirama's life a living hell told him otherwise. To encourage the boy and watch the show even if it means Hiruzen might be badly hurt. But Hiruzen will learn a lesson if he gets the girl or not.

"So I heard a girl capture your heart," Tobirama teased Hiruzen after a light training session with the team.

"Yes, her name is Biwako," Hiruzen gushily said. "Isn't her name beautiful? And we are meant to be, I just know it."

His teammates were slightly sickened to see their knuckleheaded teammate being all gushy over some girl. It was even slightly creepy, even for Tobirama. The white-haired Senju wished that he didn't even asked Hiruzen who was using his distorted logic to explain why he and Biwako should marry. Honestly what Hiruzen was jabbering about was about as sane as Madara. Even Tobi the Cat saw the many flaws and holes in Hiruzen's logic.

"And that's why we should marry," Hiruzen finally finish.

"Because she ignores you," Homura pushed up his glasses.

"Yes."

"That doesn't make sense," Homura didn't see the logic.

"It makes perfect sense," Tobirama finally had a plan. "You see kids; women often ignore the men they like. It is called 'playing hard to catch. Mito did that to my brother and once nearly broke his back when he wouldn't leave her alone."

He mentioned the nearly broken back under his breath. Thanks to his teacher, Hiruzen regained hope and will peruse the love of his life. Now he needs to plan to get to her but nothing comes to mind. He needs help and he knows which person to ask.

"Sensei, would you help me get her," he asked in a hopeful tone.

"Of course," Tobirama told him. 'This is going to be entertaining.'

Neither Koharu nor Homura believed that Hiruzen will see another day again. Not that they didn't trust Tobirama but Hiruzen had a track record of screwing things up. A lot. Of course there is a method to their teacher's madness. Some women simply enjoy pulling guys' chains and play hard to get. They only want guys who are willing to do anything for them. A case in point is Mito who made Hashirama's life a living hell before she agreed to marry him.

After some careful planning, Hiruzen was ready. He made his way to where he knew Biwako would be. His teammates and teacher followed just to see what would happen. He made a good attempt with Biwako but earned a punch to the face. Thankfully with his distorted logic, he tried again and again. Each time Biwako would do something violent. Koharu was about to give Biwako a piece of her mind that she is the only person who harms her teammates is her.

"Easy Koharu," Tobirama told her. "You don't want to ruin Hiruzen's chance at getting a girl."

He knew that Koharu was tired with Hiruzen always begging for a date or flirting with her. Strangely, Koharu miss that but also relieved that Hiruzen finally found a girl. After an hour, Hiruzen walked up to them with a heavily bruised body and face.

"I have a feeling she doesn't like me," he felt dejected.

Tobirama was at a crossroads. Either to tell him to continue or to give up which he didn't want to do. He really wanted Hiruzen to get the girl. Of course he doesn't need to make a choice. Someone is going to do it for him.

"Who doesn't like you?" a soft feminine voice rang.

They turned around to see a pregnant Mito. Before Tobirama, Koharu or Homura could answer her, Hiruzen spilled the beans. He told her everything from him telling his team about his love, to Tobirama's plan and to his failure of getting the said love. After that Mito gave a soft laugh.

"Don't give up," Mito said with a mirth tone. She knew Biwako well and knew that she liked Hiruzen back. "Some women enjoy men who pursue them and often make it hard for them. You might not know it but I gave hell to Hashirama just to test him if he was worthy enough to be my husband."

**48) Tobirama may not launch himself to the hospital for any reason. And what did I say about having catapults in your possession. * **

Tobirama was making sure he had it just right. He didn't want to make any mistakes. Now he wished Homura was there to help him but the poor boy came down with a bug. The monkey was doing something nice for Biwako and Koharu was with Toka.

With the final measurements he launched himself to the hospital where that cute nurse worked. But when he landed on the right floor the cute nurse wasn't there but an older and plain nurse was there.

"Crap," he flatly stated due to the nurse and his brother. Hashirama was there due to Mito getting an exam from her doctor.

**49) Kidnapping people just to test your skills is not allowed at all and I don't have time to hear your excuses.**

It was an accident. Really, how the hell Hiruzen knew how much punch to put in an explosive tag. Now he, Homura and Koharu were going to the hospital to get that cute nurse. Thanks to Hiruzen, Tobirama was knocked out cold and had some injuries.

On the way Hiruzen was really beating himself up because of it. His two teammates wanted to reprimand him for his lack of knowledge but decided against it seeing the anguish he was putting himself through.

When they reached the hospital, all three looked for the cute nurse. Thankfully a plan was formed to get her to heal their teacher. When they got to her, she was on her break. They quietly stalked up to her and grabbed her before anyone could react. All three made haste to reached Tobirama. When they did, he was started to come too.

Hiruzen was hysterical when he was explaining what happen to the point of tears. The nurse simply started to heal Tobirama. It took a few moments but for Hiruzen it felt like eternity. Fear steep into the young ninja. Tobirama will punish him most severely. Tobirama woke up to see the cute nurse and his three students. He remembered Hiruzen putting in too much energy into an explosive tag. When he looked up at his prize student who was on the verge of tears, Tobirama knew the young boy had learned his lesson and was already punishing himself.

"Hirzuen," Tobirama stood up and pulled the young nin into a hug. "We need to work on your explosive tags."

Hashirama walked up to them after hearing that his team kidnapped a hospital staff member. He was going to give them an earful.

**50) For the last time there is no such thing as the curry of life**

Tobirama was bored again. Hashirama seemed to be displeased on the accident but didn't really punish Hiruzen or punish the whole team since they did do the right thing. Of course they did make some mistakes like one of them not staying with Tobirama. Hashirama simply gave them several mind-numbing D-rank missions as "punishment." Now his students were complaining that they were hungry. Man they seem to be bottomless pits or something. It was time for a break anyway and they were headed for lunch. Of course they couldn't decide on dango, BBQ or going to Amaguriama. Tobirama wanted curry for some reason.

That gave him an idea.

"I heard a rumor about a curry of life," he mention off-handedly.

"Curry of what?" they looked at him, forgetting their hungry.

He will enjoy this very much.

**50a) Finding doesn't make you a Chuunin.**

"It is rumored that whoever finds it becomes a Chuunin," Tobirama nonchalantly mention to his gullible and impressionable students.

"Really?" Hiruzen, wide-eyed, believed his sensei's every word. He must find this curry of life even it means wasting his.

"Really," Tobirama just flamed the fire. "Though I heard Madara wants to find it for some reason.

"Then we must find it," Hiruzen heroically told his two team members.

"Find what," Hashirama was with his beloved wife, Mito, for a romantic luncheon.

"The curry of life," Hiruzen told him without taking a beat. "Tobirama-sensei said that if we find it than we'll become chuunin. Right sensei?"

When Hiruzen turned to see Tobirama, he was missing. Talking about the dish forced the albino Senju to get his beloved curry. On the way he met the cute nurse and asked her if she would like to join him for a curry lunch. Hashirama on the other hand thought it was slightly funny on the whole curry of life but didn't like what Tobirama told his students. Mito, in a giggling fit, set Hiruzen straight but reinsured him that it won't take him and his team long to make chuunin.

"So finding the curry of life won't matter?" Hiruzen seemed sadden.

"No," Hashirama smiled at the young boy. "Tell you the truth; your team outranks the other teams. In fact they are way behind you guys, amazingly."

Hashirama muttered the very last word. Team Tobirama were jubilant when they heard that they were the best genin team in the entire village.

**51) There is no fountain of youth.**

Later that day Team Tobirama was training with their sensei. They were working up a sweat since Tobirama wanted them to keep their abilities sharp. It wasn't easy since Tobirama decided to keep them on their toes. Of course exuberant Hiruzen was having a slightly easier time since he keeps changing up his jutsu and skills set. True, he does idolize both his father Sasuke and Tobirama but he thinks the former is foolish and silly. But he fails to see both he and his father were birds of a feather. Both are exuberant in what they do which would only be dwarfed by the future Uzumaki Naruto and his mother.

Hiruzen still had the energy to keep going which inspired his two other teammates to keep going. Of course they worked at a team even if they're close to passing out. Homura was the brains, Kohura was the one who verbalize better and Hiruzen add on his own flare to make it better. It was no surprise that Hiruzen took on the leadership role. After much planning they attack their sensei. The plan itself was very good and even made them have the upper hand but failed since they were at the breaking point.

"I'm very pleased with you three," Tobirama proudly stated. They worked their butts off that day and needed a celebration. "Let's call it a day and go to Amaguriama and on the way get dango. I'm paying."

They perked up at the sound of getting a free treat from their sensei. On the way they talked and created conspiracy theories. Mostly with Madara.

"He almost found the fountain of youth," remarked Tobirama.

"Really?" Hiruzen asked.

"I never heard of a fountain of youth," Homura pushed up his glasses. Koharu agreed.

"It is a little known fact but it was destroyed long time ago," Tobirama sighed.

This made his students talk even more. Mostly with the fountain of youth and why it was destroyed. Somehow Hashirama heard about this later on when they were at Amaguriama getting sweets. He must talk with his brother later on his little white lies about Madara.

**A/N: Don't worry, our fun loving Tobirama will still be our fun loving Tobirama. But I will attempt to make him sterner. I think rule 47 is the longest rule to date.**

***phantom130 5's idea**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: I'm going to see how many Preggo!Mito jokes can be done. And Rule 53 is part of his birthday gift from the cute nurse. Haven't thought of a name for her as of yet. Or if she is in a clan or not.**

**52) For the last time Tobirama, Madara is not the 'King of Gaudy Bling.' So stop telling your students that.**

It was a normal day for Team Awesome, or what Hashirama calls it, Team Tobirama. They did their normal D-rank missions and plotting for new pranks. Tobirama, of course, help them think of new and creative ways to pull pranks. Of course Hiruzen had proven himself to be the king of pranks until he was dethrone by Jiraiya and later Naruto.

"Tobirama-sensei," Hiruzen looked at the albino Senju. "Since I'm the king of pranks, what does that make you?"

That seemed weird but coming from HIruzen it was pretty normal. Tobirama thought about that a moment. What was he? Well it was obvious what the young and extremely impressible young nin. Now his two teammates, Koharu and Homura were waiting with him. Of course he simply stated the truth.

"Don't ask such foolish things," Tobirama said in a deadpan manner. "I'm king of sexiness. My brother is king of gambling and of course Madara is king of gaudy bling."

In one full sweep he had answered the unasked questions that were forming in Hiruzen's mind.

"He's king of gaudy bling?" Koharu was skeptical on it. Madara didn't look like he was king of anything but being a sore loser and an ass.

"When he was younger he wore a lot of gaudy jewels to show off to the Senju," Tobirama flatly stated. "So Hashirama and I use to joke behind his back that he was the king of gaudy bling and when he heard that he was piss. We still do it today."

His students nodded in understanding. They never knew the three mega stars of the ninja world when they were younger so they really can't argue.

"Well let's call it a day," Tobirama looked away as to see what time of day it was.

"But the day isn't over yet," whined Hiruzen. "It isn't even noon."

"The cute nurse and I are going to spend some time together today and tomorrow."

"Why?"

"Because tomorrow is my birthday and she wants to make is special for me."

They simply forgot that their sensei's birthday and now they to rush to get his birthday gift in time. They quickly went to town leaving Tobirama behind smirking. Partly of what his students actions but part of it was what is going to happen tomorrow.

The trio was in a panic. They did not know what to get Tobirama. Getting him a new water jutsu scroll was pointless since he knew almost every single one. Another stuff dolphin was pointless but the idea was the only good one that they could come up with. And somehow they bumped into Madara.

"What are you brats doing," he was displeased to see them.

"Tomorrow is sensei's birthday king of gaudy bling," Hiruzen blurted out before realizing to his horror on what he just said.

"What do you call me brat," Madara was about to punish the brat when he felt it. It was Mito who didn't seem that pleased on Madara's behavior.

"So you don't like king of gaudy bling," Mito said in a very lady-like manner.

Madara began to sweat bullets. Mito was acting like a lady, a pregnant one at that, but was giving off an underlining of terror. In a hurry, Madara excuse himself since he didn't want to die just yet. The three students try to hold back the laughter.

"Now did Tobirama tell you Madara's nickname?" Mito asked.

They tentatively nod yes fearing for their beloved sensei.

"Figures and now why are you three not training," Mito inquired.

"Because sensei and that cute nurse are going to do something special, whatever that means," Hiruzen innocently told her.

**53) Tobirama, as your brother I love you, but stop corrupting your students in that fashion.**

Tobirama and that cute nurse were at a store getting some random items. He got some whip cream, some chocolate syrup and some other items. The cute nurse on the other hand was getting some other items but they didn't have a special book that friend told her to get. They meet up at the front to check out.

"I have to go to the bookstore to get something," she told him before giving him a chaste kiss on his check. Of course she had to stand on her tip-toe to do so.

"All right," Tobirama kissed the crown of her head.

Checking out was silent and a bit awkward at best. The cashier knew what the Hokage's brother was going to do. Hashirama did buy similar items not too long ago.

"Have a good night," the cashier winked at him when he was handed the bag.

"Hmph," Tobirama didn't need to be told that.

For some unforeseen circumstances he and his student and along with his horror Mito met at the door.

"Hi sensei," Hiruzen blurted out with glee. "Where is that cute nurse? And why do you have items to make ice cream sundaes? Is that what you two are going to do tonight? Can I join, I love ice cream sundaes. Why did you get a pair of handcuffs and candles?"

Mito didn't look too pleased and Hashirama joined the group at the worst possible time.

"Monkey," he wasn't that pleased.

"Brother," Hashirama wasn't a happy camper at all. He jumped to the conclusion that Tobirama was teaching his students something they don't need to know until they are eighteen.

Mito was mildly amused.

**54) Team Tobirama is not allowed to have a spoon, rubber band, red hot chili peppers, a cardboard, squirrels and a neon green feather boa at the same time ever again. Yet very impressive with the outcome I must say. **

Team Tobirama was in the Hokage's office yet again. They got in trouble yet again and honestly they don't want to explain themselves. The whole plot was engenuis mostly thanks to the plotting together and being on the same page. Of course they didn't know it will go that with those items and the outcome was nothing less of pure gold.

"Honestly, I don't know what to say," Hashirama was impressed. No other team can be able to pull it with using only those items and get away with it. He didn't even know about it until three days later but when he did heard about it, there were ten different versions of the story. Only after using Mito and Toka as a threat did he learn the truth. "You guys know the drill by now."

But deep down inside Hashirama wished he was there in all of the fun. Stupid Tobirama getting all of the fun with his team and never including him.

**55) Team Tobirama is not allowed to get my wife's lunch and let her eat it in my office.**

Mito was having a craving. Chicken ramen top with red bean paste, umeboshi and natto. Unfortunately her husband is working and she couldn't contact him. Now she was getting angry for the flawed logic that Hashirama isn't reading her mind to get her food. And forgetting their non-existed lunch date.

Lucky for her Team Tobirama was there doing nothing.

"Mito-sama," Tobirama asked. "We're going to get ramen; do you want us to pick up anything for you?"

Mito cracked a grin. She saw his students cowering behind him.

"Yes, yes you can," Mito had a great plan. "Can you get me three orders of chicken ramen top with red bean paste, umeboshi and natto and bring them to the Hokage tower."

How she said it meant if they failed in this quest than she would have their skins. Tobirama and his students made record time since they meet her at the door. They knew that they will see another day, for now.

"You four are so kind," Mito praised them with a lady's flare. "You can go and have lunch now."

All four were hungry and were glad to leave. Mito went up to see her husband to have their 'lunch-date.' Of course when she got there and informed Toka about this 'lunch-date' the latter was confused but didn't argue. Mito entered to see Madara giving his list of complaints but that ended rather quickly.

Poor Madara found himself being thrown out the window by a very angry Mito. He didn't even know what he did wrong this time.

"Is something sweetie?" Hashirama was afraid.

"You forgot our lunch-date," she smile while hold a bowl of ramen she was craving.

Hashirama was hungry but when he saw the ramen she got made him forget about getting lunch.

"Did you get that for us?" he quivered in fear.

"No, Tobirama and his sweet little students got it for us," Mito said as she ate one of her two bowls.

The Hokage ate some of the ramen but didn't want to finish it. Thankfully Mito grabbed his bowl and ate the rest.

"We should do this tomorrow sweetie," Mito picked up the bowls and proceeded to leave.

"Yes, we should," Hashirama felt queasy but didn't let Mito know that.

"Come home for dinner, I'll be making a surprise," Mito left.

'My wife is going to kill me and not Madara.'

**TBC on this rule…..or not.**

**A/N: Happy birthday to the smexiness of all Senju, our favorite albino Tobirama. Yes he did get some action from that cute nurse but I can't put it down since it will raise the rating to a M. Any ideas for rules I could do than drop it in review form. Please R&R.**


	29. Chapter 29

**Rule 56-60**

**A/N: Sorry for the long delay, my muse took a holiday. But here are some fun rules for you guys.**

**56) The six of you can't give free passes to already free events.**

Team Tobirama was without a teacher. Tobirama came down with a bug after he visited Land of Frost and was forced to hide in a cave. In his own words the people believed he was some kind of deity. It was brushed off as Tobirama wasn't well and might be pulling his brother's leg. Speaking about his brother, Hashirama was busy with his very pregnant wife, Mito. Before the three thought she was scary but now she is simply terrifying. She successfully made Madara look like a harmless kitten more so than normal.

"So what do we do now?" Hiruzen asked his teammates. He wanted to do something with them but what.

"I don't know," Koharu was thinking of visiting sensei alone.

Homura just shook his head. He had no idea what to do. Now it was up to Hiruzen to think of something fun to do. They must do it cheaply as possible since none of them had the money to spend like their teacher. Slowly but surely a good idea started to form.

"How about passes to somewhere," he said aloud for his teammates. Hopefully one of them could think of something.

"What about the passes," a new voice rang. It was Kagami and his two teammates.

"Oh we're thinking of doing something fun, wanna join?" Hiruzen gave a goofy smile. "I thought of something with passes to somewhere."

"Maybe free passes to already free events," Kagami said after some thought.

"That's brilliant!" Hiruzen was ecstatic with Kagami. "You are a genius Uchiha!"

Kagami smiled. He was trying very hard to get out of the clan's bad rep that many villagers had and prove that not all Uchiha were like Madara. In his mind the best way to do it is to be friends with Tobirama's students. It seemed to have a positive effect on Tobirama himself since he sees a non-psycho, peaceful keeping Uchiha around.

"Let's do this," Hiruzen was about to lead the way.

"Do what," Hashirama appeared with a grocery bag. They notice a can of chicken noodle soup and many foods that Mito was craving that week.

"Ahh…"the six young ninja freaked a little. They have never been caught before a prank was completed. Not even that one time Team Tobirama did that whole holy water incident with Madara.

"You guys were planning something with free passes, weren't you?"

They were now sweating bullets. All six knew that Hashirama won't punish them severally.

Of course Danzo finally chicken out.

"They were going to give free passes to already free events. It was all Kagami's idea!"

Hashirama thought that was funny but he must do something.

"Let's not do that, okay," Hashirama told them. He walked pass them but before he left he told Kagami that he was thinking and good work in improving the outlook on the Uchiha.

**57) There is no such thing as aggressively-passive Tobirama so stop telling your students that.**

The trio decided to visit their sick teacher. They weren't bothered by the servants or clan members since they were Tobirama's students. That and they often visit the clan grounds. They knew where everything is so getting to Tobirama's room. There they heard a wet cough from behind the door.

"I know you three are out there," Tobirama informed them.

The three went in without a second thought. There was a flushed face Tobirama. A light sheen covered his face and chest. Koharu liked what she saw despite knowing her poor teacher was sick with some type of bug. They failed to notice the cute nurse in the room preparing a treatment.

"Sensei, are you going to die?" Hiruzen was slightly frantic and his logic slightly flawed.

"No," Tobirama flatly stated. "Mostly thanks to my two nurses."

The cute nurse handed him something to take. Hiruzen and Koharu felt a ping of envy. For Hiruzen, he wanted to be taken care of by that cute nurse. As for Koharu, she wanted to take care of sensei. While their bookish team member was trying to figure out what the nurse is giving him. He was thinking it could be for his wet cough, fever or even both.

"Mito is being very aggressively-passive," Tobirama informed them. "Of course she's is the master of the art."

"What's aggressively-passive means?" Hiruzen asked. The other two were happy that he asked that since they never heard of it before.

"Seriously," Tobirama looked at them. He couldn't believe that they didn't know what aggressively-passive means. An evil thought came to him but he couldn't do it. He sighed; he really didn't want to explain aggressively-passive to them. So he simply told them, "go and asked Hashirama. He would give you a better definition."

They quickly made their way to the Hokage's tower where they saw Mito leaving with an aide carrying a stack of dishes.

"Hello Mito-sama," they greeted her. She was as wide as can be but the urge to see another day was too strong to tell her about her size.

"You look stunning," Koharu and Homura told her.

"You look like you had a great lunch," Hiruzen had a moment of being too dumb to live.

Mito gave a jubilant laugh.

"Of course Hashirama and me had a lunch date," she informed them. "Now I must make sure Tobirama is in bed and behaving like a gentleman to his other nurse."

They went on where they were going. The trio went up to Hashirama's office where they saw the first Hokage looking green in the face.

"Hashirama-sama," Hiruzen ran up. "Can you answer our question? Hey you look a bit green, are you coming down with something?"

Hashirama gave a faint smile and a hearty laugh.

"Nah just had a lunch date that I forgot with Mito. Did you want to ask me something?"

"Yeah, Tobirama-sensei said that Mito is being aggressively-passive and we don't know what that means," Hiruzen quickly jump to it. "He said to ask you."

"Of course," Hashirama felt a great deal of dread.

**58) I don't know how you did it but Tenzou and Tobi should never have kittens. Ever. And really you named a kitten Tora the Great. ***

Tobi had grown a lot though she is still more fur and fluff than anything else. Now she is in Tobirama's room with an equally fluffy kitten. He was much like his father Tenzou but a much darker brown tabby and fluffy. And unliked his bobtailed mother, he had a very fluffy tail. Hashirama just looked at it.

"What did you do?" Hashirama really wanted to know. He was sure Tobirama had a hand in this.

"Honestly I don't know."

"I doubt that," Hashirama sighed. "Mito will go crazy over this kitten."

"It isn't kitten," Hiruzen informed the Hokage. "It is Tora the Great."

Hiruzen seemed to be proud to the name. His two team mates nod in agreement. Tobirama crossed his arms. He didn't like the name at all.

"We could send it as a gift to the daimyo before Mito sees it," he mentioned it to his older brother.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt," Hashirama picked up the little kitten. Tora started to purr and use the Cuteness-no-Jutsu something he learned from his mother. Poor Hashirama had to resist the cute. And he is a dog person not a cat person. But more he resist, the harder it is not to fawn on the cute little kitten. "Well don't let Tenzou and Tobi produce another kitten or a litter."

**59) Team Tobirama is strictly prohibited to think/create forbidden jutsu. ***

Tobirama was thinking of a new jutsu. It was the Edo Tensei. For years he has been mulling over this jutsu. There were a few kinks in the idea but he was sure he will complete it. The idea came to him when Itama died. Even all these years he hasn't let up the blame he place on himself on Itama's death. Now he only wished that his students would stay quite long enough so he could finish the jutsu.

"Sensei," Hiruzen got his attention. "Whatcha thinking?"

He was an ideal student, willing to learn and keep going despite numerous mistakes he has made. Hiruzen was very tenacious when it comes to learning a new skill even if it is beyond his level. Of course he was as dense as a cinderblock and book dumb to the extreme. Hopefully both will pass when he grows up.

Tobirama looked at the young future Hokage. He gave an inward sigh.

"I'm thinking of a creating a new jutsu," Tobirama told them truthfully. He really needs them to get off of their backs. And an idea came to him. Hashirama won't agree with it but it will give them something to do. "But I do have today's lesson."

His three students were listening intently.

"Think of a forbidden jutsu."

"Why?" Hiruzen asked.

"If you think of one and able to create it than you'll know how to combat somebody else's forbidden jutsu."

He was slightly BSing but it would give them something to do. The three students stayed a group and were brainstorming a forbidding jutsu away from Tobirama. He was grateful for it. Of course Hashirama had to appear and asked what they were up to. In short, Tobirama had to put the brakes on with his new jutsu.

**60) For the last time there is no navy so stop singing the Konoha Navy Song.**

"We're the Konoha navy, we're never been beat. Thanks to Admiral Tobirama," Hiruzen started to sing while his teammates stifle a laugh. "He is the boss, knows every navel trick."

Hiruzen wasn't the greatest singer but the song was quite entertaining. Mostly with the cannon balls line where he sang "with these balls could really do you harm." That really broke Koharu and Homua into a fit of laughter. Hashirama was curious on what was going on with his brother's students.

"What is going on?"

"Singing the navy song," Hiruzen stopped with his song.

"For what reason?" Hashirama had a feeling he will get a dumb answer.

"Because we have a navy and it needs a song."

The other two simply nod in agreement.

"Did Tobirama tell you this," Hashirama wished his brother would stop lying to his students.

"No," Hiruzen said. "He is too busy wrestling with that cute nurse. And why wouldn't we have a navy with its own song."

Hashirama simply sighed. He doesn't want to know what goes on in that boy's head.

**A/N: *both ideas are from ElementKitsune. Thank you. Please r&r. **


	30. Chapter 30

**61) For the last time there will be no zombie apocalypse.**

Sarutobi and his two teammates were sitting around the camp fire. They were huddle together due to what was going on. Hashirama thought it was a good idea to go camping. Yet it was Tobirama's idea to tell scary stories. Now the older brother was second guessing his decision.

"In the future there will be the zombie apocalypse thanks to an evil ninja. Everyone you knew was dead has been brought back to life," Tobirama gave an evil smirk. "They will attack all your love ones and there is nothing you could do."

Tobirama wasn't really being serious about the whole thing. But he did enjoy seeing his students shirk. Even his older brother seemed to be frightened.

"That's not funny, Tobirama!" Hashirama quickly told his younger brother. "There will be no zombie apocalypse."

Tobirama simply crossed his arms. He didn't understand why Hashirama was being such a sourpuss.

"Like there will be no truce with the Five Nations to defeat Madara," Sarutobi mentioned.

"Or that he is trying to take over the world with moon power," Homura pointed out.

That sounded dumb and idiotic.

**62) No, Madara isn't going to control the entire world with the power from the moon**

"Brother," Hashirama knew it was him. "Did you tell your students that Madara is planning to take over the world with the help of the moon?"

"Maybe," Tobirama flatly stated. He did tell them that Madara would use the moon to take over the world. But how Sarutobi word it was better.

"Kids, Madara is not going to take over the world with the help of the moon," Hashirama told them. "Or use moon power to do so."

Sarutobi closed his mouth since Hashirama already answered his question.

"So he isn't a werewolf?" Koharu thoughtfully asked.

**62a) No he isn't a werewolf either. **

Hashirama quickly glared at his brother. But how Tobirama looked told him that it wasn't his idea. It was purely Koharu's question.

"No he isn't a werewolf," Tobirama truthfully told her.

Hashirama smiled for once. He was doing something good.

"It would be an insult to all werewolves."

**63) For the last time stop saying that every Team seven is special in some way.**

Hashirama pleased with Team 7, also known as Team Tobirama. They were making progress in leaps and bounds despite all the craziness that they were doing. But now he wonders why. Of course Sarutobi already knew the answer.

"Honestly your three are very ahead of everyone else," Hashirama praised them. "You may become chuunin very soon. "

The three cheered. After all they had a great teacher who taught them useful but awesome things. Tobirama even lets them explore their newly acquired jutsu to see if they had any other uses. Like using one justu in a prank just last week and it worked surprisingly well. Thankfully Hashirama never learned of that prank.

"I still don't know how you guys are so far ahead," Hashirama wondered.

"It is because we're awesome and super special," Sarutobi gloated. "Because we became Team Seven and every team seven after us would equal our awesomeness."

His two teammates agreed full heartily with the statement. Hashirama smiled but he would disagree with the future third Hokage. Team seven will never be the special or awesome team. Of course he has to tell them otherwise.

**64) Napalm isn't a toy.**

Something didn't feel right. Hashirama knew Tobirama was thinking of a crazy scheme that his team could do. He knows it; he could feel it in his bones.

On the other side of Konoha, Tobirama was teaching them the many uses of napalm. Such as burning down an enemy's fortress or keeping one away. Or better yet tricking them to go another way if one is injured or taking care of injured teammate. Of course he taught them how to make napalm from starch beforehand.

"Now there are "fun" applications to napalm," Tobirama told them.

"Like what," Sarutobi really wanted to know.

Tobirama gave that smirk and he told.

~Three hours later~

"Thanks a lot Tobirama," Hashirama looked at the burned down Forest of Death.

"I thought it was a great idea to play Dodge Napalm in Forest of Death," he informed his brother. "Besides I didn't want the village or anyone else getting hurt."

Hashirama just sighed. He needed to recreate the Forest of Death…..again.

**65) Fireworks, fire jutsu and napalm do NOT mix**

It wasn't the greatest idea that Sarutobi had. Their sensei went to Land of Frost to get a treaty signed for some reason and his teammates got really bored. Even Danzo, Torifu and Kagami got into the act of thinking. Of course it was Sarutobi's idea.

He wanted to see what would happen if he mixed fireworks, fire jutsu and napalm together. Kagami was the only one on board while the others didn't want to get in on the act. Now the Forest of Death was on fire again. Second time this week and Hashirama wasn't pleased. He was surprised about the damage and impress with the Sarutobi and Kagami's teamwork. Very impress with their teamwork. Of course he has to recreate the Forest of Death.

"This should be a valuable lesson for the six of you," he told them.

"Yes sir," all six of them told him.

Sarutobi and Kagami must tell their idea to Tobirama. He would be impressed too.

**A/N: Dodge Napalm is dodge ball and napalm. Pretty much the balls are covered with napalm and fire. And please don't do rule 65, mostly with fireworks and napalm. They really shouldn't be in the same area. **

**Please R&R and feel free to give ideas for future rules. And have a safe Fourth of July.**


	31. Chapter 31

**Rules 66-70**

**66) Don't use fire to spell out anything Sarutobi. I mean it.**

At first Hiruzen thought it was a very good idea. Even Kagami thought it was a great idea. He even went with it. Unlike their teammates who all thought it was a terrible idea to begin with. It took a good hour to find the perfect spot.

Of course they had to be very sneaky about it. They didn't want to be caught before they did it. Thankfully they found the spot without being caught. Somehow they didn't realize they were being trailed by Hiruzen's own teacher, Tobirama.

The stoic Senju didn't stop them but stayed back. He really wanted to see what they were planning. Besides those two made an interesting duo. And despite Kagami being part of the 'curse' clan, he showed almost none of the clan's characteristics. Nor did he seek revenge on a love one and seemed to accepted his lost and continued on, unlike some glaring examples. Kagami even conform it a few weeks ago.

With this Tobirama really didn't bother in keeping Kagami away. He was the few Uchiha that Tobirama liked. And seeing him socializing with Hiruzen didn't upset him.

"This is a good spot," Hiruzen grin.

"I agreed," Kagami chimed in. "Did you bring it?"

"Of course."

The two boys spelled out in napalm 'Hiruzen and Kagami for co-Hokage.' They even lit it with a double Fire Release: Great Fireball.

Tobirama simply arched an eyebrow. This is interesting. He never knew that Hiruzen learned an Uchiha move. He suspected Kagami was behind it. Though reading what was written made it even more interesting, Of course he didn't want to move at all. He didn't feel like reprimanding them at all for his own reasons. And for once his hands were clean. Of course that won't last.

~An hour later~

The duo was standing in front of Hashirama. They knew why they were there. Somebody, or better yet Koharu, had ratted them out. They felt betrayed by one of the best looking girls in their class. And she knew that they both adore her to an extent.

Standing next to them was Tobirama. He wasn't all that pleased with this either. The only reason why his there was simply because he is often behind these types of pranks. Honestly he isn't behind EVERY prank his team does. Or those two did.

"Honestly I don't know what to say," Hashirama told them at point blank. "But you two know that it was very dangerous what you did. Right?"

"Yes Hokage-sama," both knew the how to play the game.

"And brother," Hashirama had a feeling his brother had some hand in it. "Please explain."

"I have no hand in this," Tobirama informed him. "Not even when they rediscovered the giant slingshot."

"The what-?"

**67) There will be no "Don't wear a Bra day." However thank you for giving me an idea.**

"So today will be no bra day," proclaimed Hiruzen.

His teammates had mixed thoughts. Koharu thought the idea was another perverted idea from Hiruzen. Homura didn't know whether to love the idea or not. Tobirama smirked a bit. He really enjoyed how Hiruzen's mind works on a daily bases. Any time that he's bored he just asked Hiruzen what's on his mind.

"Why should there be no bra day," Koharu quickly jabbed at the idea.

"For breast cancer awareness," he told quite truthfully but he had an ulterior motive.

Koharu simply raised an eyebrow. She knew he had another reason yet couldn't prove it…yet. A good glare would make him break down and spill it. But she has forgotten that Hiruzen had become partly immune to her glare. Thanks mostly to the point of her doing it so much.

"I thought you would be in it for the awareness," he chimed in hoping she will stop.

"No," Koharu didn't stop her glare. "I know you too well Hiruzen. You are a perv to the core."

"How is everyone?" Hashirama interrupted.

"I want to have a 'No Bra day' for breast cancer awareness," Hiruzen cheerfully pitched. He was hoping the great Hashirama would agree with him.

"Brother, do you have something to do with this?"

"I haven't done anything since we used the giant slingshot an hour ago."

**68) Don't name fish after your teachers and people you know. It is hurtful and not funny.**

Homura got a bunch of koi as a gift. They came in all sorts of colors and he couldn't help but admire them. A small part of him was pleased with such a gift. He wanted to tell his two teammates but he didn't think they will be thrilled with the news.

Hiruzen simply burst the idea of him not being thrilled.

"Hey you are late for training," Hiruzen walked into the courtyard.

He walked up to his teammate where he was looking into an artificial pond. His mind, being curious as it is, made him walked up and sees what was in it. He saw a bunch of fish with different colors. Hiruzen had seen pictures of koi and knew his grandmother had a few of them. But this is the first time seeing them in real life.

"Wow you got koi? Have you named them yet?!"

"I haven't thought about it but I doubt they would enjoy it."

"But they need names," Hiruzen had not good answer.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt. And I could use the names to distinguish them from one another."

The idea never dawned on him but Hiruzen was right. He needs to give names to his new koi. They may never use it but he will.

"But what should we name them?" Homura asked his teammate.

"Well white one with the red markings does remind me of sensei."

~A few moments later~

"Sorry we're late," Hiruzen smiled at Tobirama and Koharu.

"Why are you two so late," Koharu complained. "It shouldn't have taken you so long Hiruzen."

"We named my koi," Homura gave the answer. "We gave four our names and another after Hokage-sama."

Tobirama was flattered but didn't want a fish to be named after him. Hashirama overheard and was less flattered.

**69) For the last time there is no daimyo who enjoys partying.**

"For the last time Hiruzen," Hashirama informed him. "There are no daimyo to my knowledge is a party animal."

"There must be one," Hiruzen pleaded with him. "There's always one person who enjoys parties."

"Tobirama are you behind this?"

"For once no," Tobirama pointed out. "I'm more surprised that he knows we have a daimyo."

**70) Stop doing the 'Red Eye' drinking challenge. We don't want another repeat.**

Bored didn't qualify for what they were feeling. It was beyond boredom. They wanted to do something but nothing comes up. Not even coming up with dares. That was new since dares often come easy to them. Now they had nothing. Not even new missions.

"I would like a cup of coffee…" Tobirama started to get an idea. A good one.

His classic smirk returned. Oh he had a good challenge he wanted to try. His students would like it very much.

"How about we do the 'Red Eye' drinking challenge?"

"'Red Eye,' what's that sensei?" Homura asked.

"It is where you put five shots of espresso in a cup of regular coffee."

"Let's do it," Hiruzen responded without a second. "Hey, can Kagami join in on the fun?"

The latter statement was something of a second thought. But Hiruzen wanted Kagami to join in on the fun. He knew his two other teammates wouldn't want to join.

"If he agrees than yes," Tobirama told him. He thought it was a good idea to include him. "Meet us at the coffee shop."

It really didn't take either of them long to get there. When Tobirama order the drinks, he was given a stare. It was that type of stare of seriously and disbelief, but they did it anyway.

~An hour later and much chaos~

"Tobirama I can't believe you did that," Hashirama was upset with his brother. But mostly it was not inviting him to be in the challenge. He would've beaten them all. "Now the Forest of Death is destroyed for the tenth time this week."

"Honestly that fault was with Hiruzen and Kagami. They wanted to see who could do the most impressive fire jutsu."

"I would let it slide if you agree not do the challenge without me around. Understood?"

"Of course."

**A/N: The giant slingshot is back! And don't worry, Tobi would make an appearance in the next chapter.**


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